Archive for the ‘Movies’ Category

Alba Botanica: Shampoo for the Working Class of Ohio

Posted: February 15, 2012 in 2012, Movies, Products, Satire
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What Shampoo does Michael Shannon use when Apocalyptic Doom is imminent?

Take Shelter with Alba Botanica's Hawaiian Shampoo Product Line

That’s right folks, Alba Botanica Hawaiian Shampoo featuring Honeydew Gloss Boss.

For glossy sheen, take a permanent vacation from the harsh, hole digging horror show of Paul Krugman’s white reactionary Ohio. Instead, discover this shine-inducing shampoo, a residue-lifting cleansing experience. Honeydew extract, awapuhi and pineapple nourish and revive hair for vibrant shine. Hydrolyzed protein binds the hair cuticle creating a smooth, reflective, glossy shine. Dull, lifeless hair is gently cleansed and revitalized. Aloha beautiful.

100% Vegetarian. No: Animal Testing, Charles Murray, Artificial Colors, Parabens, Phthalates, Sodium Lauryl Sulfate or Sodium Methyl Sulfate

At over $10 for a 12 oz. bottle budget conscious Jessica Chastain should be more concerned with shampoo than the cost of a new tornado shelter.

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Future Porn Parodies of Aronofsky Films {NSFW}

Posted: December 16, 2011 in Movies, Porn, Satire
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And now for your holiday amusement and titillation five future porn parodies of Darren Aronofsky films you won’t be seeing; at least I hope.

The Wrestlers – Two washed up gay wrestlers struggle with failing health, loss of sphincter control, a straight daughter’s rejection and a constantly topless Marisa Tomei.

Before the Academy Knows Your Dead

Requiem for a Dream -A young girl from small town Orange County moves to Los Angeles with dreams of becoming a Porn Star but slowly descends into the sordid world of commercials and character acting.

Fuck You Harry Dean Stanton

Black Swan Diving – Two hot neurotic bitches who like to dance get tarted up, drop Ecstasy in a swank New York City nite club and quickly engage in rampant acts of Sapphic zest.

That’s Awesome Show!

The Fountain Head – Mayan End Time Prophecy, Death, and Heroic Doses of DMT won’t stand in the way of a little cock sucking…

DMT is a Hell of a Drug

She’s My 3.14- A 168 minute remake of the classic Warrant Video ‘Cherry Pie’  but slightly less pornographic.  Soundtrack by Johnny Greenwood.

There Will Be Pie