New Age Survival Backpack – While Supplies and the Planet Lasts!

Posted: March 25, 2011 in Products, Silly, Zombie
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

With 2012 quickly approaching and destruction all around us isn’t it time you prepared for the worst Gaia and the Obama administration has to throw at you?

From the creators of Chia-ShivaPet © comes Aquarius Survival Pack ™-

‘Because you didn’t survive your past life.’ ™

Each Backpack comes equipped to help you and your two closest poli partners (choose wisely) commune with Nature for at least a week after any disaster.

One Disaster Mandala for Contemplation and Mercy especially designed by barefoot New Age co-star of Dual Survivor Cody Lundin

43 Vegan Organic MREs (You guessed right. Lentils and Chickpeas with some spices.  Yummy!)

1000mg of pure MDMA helpfully scaled out in 110mg doses

Ultra lite-weight fold-able yoga mats

Sewing Kit

Patagonia, Lululemon and The Northface Labels to sew on any clothes you may scavenge

Compostable Cutlery – naughty naughty you survivors over there with your plastic sporks…

Three 7th Generation Toilet paper rolls with 100 Bill McKibben columns embroidered on each roll.  If you are on a Shamanic Cleanse – this TP will last a very long time indeed.

One water and fire proof deck each: Tarot, Goddess, UNO.

Freeze dried Kombucha Mother (Just add water!) Kombucha is known to fight the effects of radiation and other toxins so don’t worry about your water source.

Ph testing strips – because you want the best Ph balance you can at the end of the world.

And finally

Six pre-sharpened New Age healing crystals – if Gaia proves to be the vindictive bitch you’ve always kinda suspected she was you can slit your wrists and end it all.

All of this in a hemp backpack made by indigenous people no where near where you live now but guaranteed to be a very special and authentic location (China).

Best of all about the Aquarius Survival Pack is what you WON’T find. Western Medicine. Or your money back.  That’s right folks we guarantee absolutely:

No Antibiotics

No Painkillers

Not even Neosporin

All this for the special pre-Burn price of three payments of $199.99


  1. Shana says:

    Don’t forget the Peppermint Dr Bronner’s!

  2. sarasvati3 says:

    Teeheee!! Love that the pack includes UNO…a necessity, of course!

    • Marc says:

      Can’t have the end of the world without Uno – And great call on the Peppermint Dr. Bronners Shana – how could I have forgot?!

  3. Craig says:

    The scent of Peppermint Dr Bronners is a positive emotional trigger for me now, thanks to PolyParadise! mmm.

    Thanks for a good laugh after a long day! Oh, and don’t forget the sage, bowl and lighter for smudging! The earth may have some negative energy from the nuclear explosions.

  4. Devon says:

    Marc, you sir, are a genius among men.

  5. Jon says:

    I couldn’t find the order button. Thanks for such a great poduct. The Myans were right about 2012 and thats why I will take 2. Do you take cash? Namaste.
    I’m just so glad someone is being proactive

  6. Mirror says:

    I think you’ve got something! Could you add a pet rock with rock food?

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