Archive for the ‘HBGBs’ Category

Burning Man ’12 Review – Hippies vs. Ravers

Posted: October 12, 2012 in 2012, BurningMan, HBGBs, News, Satire
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Black Rock City – Stick a fork in their bloated Adidas visored corpse.  Ravers at Burning Man are done.  After many years of Raver dominance over the hippies at Burning Man, hippies may be sitting in the cultural throne for many years to come.

Your time is done.

For years hippies at Burning Man were relegated to second class citizens.  Their drum circles were drown out by blissful anthem trance and hypnotic progressive house; they were relegated to slouching around Human Carcass Wash and HeeBeeGeeBee Healers.  In a sign of how fast things change, it was only 2011 when hippies took over the mantle of dominant subculture at Burning Man.

The soon to be ineffectual World Hippie Council released a short, celebratory statement to the media:

 “This year us hippies demonstrated that the future is a moccasin stomping on a rolling ravers face – forever.  No judgement.”

That’s right – we’re number one!

At a meeting to sign a formal treaty of surrender in the parking lot of a Beats Antique show in Omaha, Raver kingpin Syd Gris announced long time raver palace ‘Opulent Temple’ was closing up shop. “Ravers are no longer ‘Children of the Night’, said Syd in the post surrender ceremony press conference.  “Most ravers are now  parents who occasionally do a bump of blow in some suburban breakfast nook listening to a scratchy Goldie album in jittery nostalgia between over anxious texts with the babysitter.”

“All that Calvin Klein and shitty pressed pills finally caught up with us.” – Josh Wink

Double Stacked!

Analysts say Hippies had several demographic, economic and cultural trends going for them.  The 2012 apocalypse popularity was always going to favor the hippies.  And once hippies accepted bass music and dubstep into their ouvre the ravers days were numbered.

“The coveted 18-25 demographic swung almost over night to the Hippies once Bassnectar got hot.” – Gallup Research

Longtime Hippie Burner Dusty Lentil said on his tumblr blog ‘Boulder is Awesome, Man’: “Ravers and their googley eyes can talk about PLUR all they want but ravers = conspicuous consumption capitalists – that worked great in the boom years. Thankfully for us the economy collapsed.  Ever since 2007 it got a lot easier to get a girl into bed talking shit about ‘the man’ around a campfire beating on a drum, rolling a cigarette.”

Some Ravers hold out hope of a revival a few years down the road.  Found on one electronic dance music forum an anonymous poster said, “Ravers will be back at Burning Man.  Morning trance will never be defeated.  At least we still have Ricardo Villalobos and Kompakt – thank fuck for Germany.”

A Brief History of Burning Man: Bacon & Strained Eggs

Posted: August 16, 2011 in Bumblepuss, BurningMan, HBGBs, NectarKitchen, Recipe
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Perfectly Cooked Bacon for the Masses

by Robin

It was stunning to me to realize that I had not shared my perfect bacon 
cooking method prior to 2010.  Apparently the breakfast shift I was on was the first time many Bumblers were the recipients of my 
perfectly cooked bacon.  T-Dazzle remembers it from our time together at HeeBees.  This is the method to getting all of your bacon 
cooked all at once perfectly.  You can have it as crispy or chewy as you 
want.  And this method cuts down on the little snatchers who like to sneak 
bacon before the entire meal is done!  BACK YOU RABID BUMBLERS!  YOU  MUST 
WAIT UNTIL THE EGGS ARE DONE!  Oh, whoops, the eggs exploded in the boiler. 
I guess I should share my recipe for strained eggs also.  See below!

Your Typical Bumbler Breakfast

BACON
In order to have all of the bacon done all at once, and perfectly for that 
matter, you must put all of the bacon in the pan at once.  Yes.  Pile it 
in!  5 pounds if you must!  As long as the pan is not overflowing, it will 
work just fine.  You just have to keep stirring.  KEEP STIRRING!  STIR THE 
BACON!  It may take 20 or 30 minutes, depending on how dark you like it, but 
trust me, when you pull all of it out at once and put it all out there for 
the hungry Bumblers, no one will complain.  Each piece will be cooked 
exactly like the next, and all the way through. It will all be warm!  No 
half-charred, half-raw pieces here.  Oh no.  This bacon is perfect.

These go well with Bacon

STRAINED EGGS
Hopefully we won’t have to use this method again!  If your egg bag explodes 
in the boiler, fear not.  Juicy eggs are just a strain away!  Simply get the 
colander and a friend to help you.  Discreetly bring the boiler of eggs and 
the colander to the gray water.  Whether its early in the week or later will 
determine how careful you need to be about people seeing you strain the 
eggs.  It might not matter as much later on in the week!  Anyway, one person 
holds the colander over the gray water container and the other person 
carefully pours the watery eggs into the colander.

Voila!

Strained eggs. 
Perfect for any occasion.

 

A Brief History of Burning Man: Bumblepuss & Nectar Village Part 1

Posted: August 10, 2011 in Bumblepuss, BurningMan, HBGBs, History, NectarVillage, Satire
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What follows is  a timeline of the history and development of Bumblepuss and Nectarvillage through the hagiographic eyes of, well, me.

1898 – Leon Czolgosz attends the Burn held that year in Havana which ended in a crude representation of The Man named ‘USS Maine’ blown to smithereens.

Saturday Night

1901 – Having a particularly hard decompression after searching for bacon grease fried falafel for years without success Leon assassinates King McKinley at Akron Ohio’s one and only subway stop.  He is quickly convicted but before being hung by the neck until death gives birth to Soup and Marc through his armpit.  Soup and Marc are separated soon after birth.

Daddy Leon

1935 – Akron, OH – Soup and Marc find themselves mysteriously re-united in the town of their fathers downfall in a tuberculosis ward where they are given large amounts of laudanum  by one Doktor Random and in the wavvvvy symbiotic  ether-state realize their mutual origins.  They soon recover, write the first edition of this book published in 1939 titled ‘A Very Short History of Bumblepuss’ which is an odd mixture of recipes, tales of the occult, and reoccurring character named SteamGoat Billy. They then join the Army Rangers Psy-Trance Unit and spend the war torturing Germans with Dropkick Murphy covers and pre-electronic Progressive House re-mixes.

Torture

1950 – The first edition of ‘A Very Short History of Bumblepuss’ sells poorly but develops a cult following in America, Canada and other less important parts of the world.  The early Bumble devotees are so dedicated that an international meeting is held in Cleveland, OH and people actually show up. Bumblepuss and it’s adherents festers in leaps and starts like a slow growing skin disease on the nice to look at bits of the female body.  Many Bumblepussies as they are now known attend Burning Man which starts happening regularly every three or four years at spots around the globe.

1951-1976
Soup is nowhere to be found and gives wildly varying accounts of his movements in his 1996 autobiography ‘I’m on a Boat’, turns up in Perris, CA speaking French and looking like a bald, fat Marlin Brando with a Messiah complex; proceeds to start Weight Watchers.

Marc moves to Lowell, MA where he spends most of the 60s and early 70s watching repeats of The Wonder Years on BlueRay and wondering where those years are exactly.

Now on BlueRay!

The Sixties!
During these years in the wilderness for the two prestidigitatoresque Bumble founders Ilia and Allie take care of the day to day governance of Bumble Nation.  Traveling the United States in a magic yellow bus with a group of Bumblers and selling education books door to door made out of blotter paper they spawn 1000s of Love Children and future Bumblers in the lower 48 and the province of Alberta.

Bumblepuss First Art Car

1976 – Soup, Marc Allie & Ilia meet up at a Bob’s BigBoy in Burbank and decide over a Decadent Hot Fudge Cake and a side of Onion Rings the time is right to re-unite the Bumble diaspora in a mass ceremony to take place in Korea.  Several diners and two short order cooks The Buffer and Quayle overhear the conversation and go on to play leading roles in the development of Modern Bumblepuss as well as discovering solar power and radium.

Bumblepuss Reunites! Onion Rings!

1986 –  Soup meets Scott, an early HBGB Healer, at a ski convention in Aspen.  Scott shares tantric secrets with Soup.  Soup decides Scott doesn’t have enough ‘O’s but too many ‘T’s in his name and thus he becomes Scooter.  Both men witness Massimiliano Blardone conquer Beaver Creek and decide they are horrible skiers and soon leave the industry.  Nectar Village is formed.

1989 – Soup and Marc are put on trial for their part in attempting to turn the East German Stasi into an Amway distributorship – the Berlin Wall falls soon afterwards.

Next – Part Two – from Galvanized Corpses to Steambath and Epiphany’s First Date.

History of HBGB Kitchen

Posted: July 22, 2011 in BurningMan, HBGBs, History, Silly
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A the unofficial hagiographer of NectarVillage and 3 time member of HBGB Kitchen crew I thought it was appropriate to write a short history of the HBGB Kitchen and the healing that goes on inside.

HBGB Kitchen 1934

HBGB’s have always been early adopters when it comes to technology at the Burn.  We were the first camp at BurningMan to employ an electric Ice Box as they were known at the Burn of 1934.  The Ice Box allowed Scooter to serve the first helping of Boulder Ice Cream which was flown in by especially by Charles Lindbergh who was given the playa name ‘Lucky Lindy’ that year for his exploits at Jiffy Lube.

World War Two was a difficult time for everyone in a merciless war that set Burner against Burner, Brother against Brother.  At the Burn of 1943 after serving a less than appetizing Vegan-style Shit on a Shingle the Kitchen Crew comprised of Swiss, Russian, Montenegrin and Spanish nationalists came to blows.

Burn of 1943 - Only one person survied this fight to Burn again

The 50s and early 60s saw HBGB Kitchen crew settle into a routine of domestic bliss.  However it wouldn’t be until the Burn of 1984 that the Kitchen was moved inside a tent after longtime Kitchen Supremo ‘Mac Biotic’ got heat stroke.

HBGB Kitchen Burn of 1961 Out in the Sun

The late 60s and early 70s saw a rise in the use of psychedelics at the Burn and the HBGB Kitchen.  Syd Barret was kitchen lead at the notorious Burn of 1971 which saw a 90% of all meals served in the kitchen spiked with LSD.

Burn of 1971 - Felonoius shortly after eating hummus prepared by Syd Barrett

The 90s saw rapid technological innovation and environmental awareness pervade the HeeBee Kitchen.  Meal prep started to happen off the playa a couple days before the Burn in Reno.  This lead to the short lived cable access show ‘Sid and Nancy Cook for the Playa.’

Sid & Nancy filming how to make Buckwheat Gazpacho a couple days before the Burn of 1994.

In the GoGo 00s mandatory uniforms during cooking were introduced in order that the cooks be a) More Easily Set on Fire b) Come into Compliance with Environmental Health and Safety Codes around hair getting into the food.

Burn of 2006: Introduction of Mandatory Uniforms

This brief history will end in 2009 when controversy struck the HBGB Kitchen after it was outsourced to Trader Joes in order to save money and in the words of one HBGB that wishes to remain anonymous – ‘TJs Salt and Pepper Potato Chips are the dammed best thing ever invented’.

2009 Burn: HBGB's Kitchen under Trader Joes Management

However many HeeBee and Burner Purists rallied against the fake, industrial, clean feel of the kitchen.  It’s rumored in 2011 HBGBs will return to Burner Cooks making wonderful meals of loving grace and bounty as has happened for so many years.