CONSUMPTION BLOG

Tender Burn, San Francisco, CA (CN) — A battle that spans the centuries appears to have taken a turn for the Hippie.  For as long as people can remember and then a little bit longer Hippies and Ravers have battled for subculture supremacy.  At the Burn of ’69 Wendy Carlos groupies and fans of Strawberry Alarm Clock  squared off in a violent melee and Burning Man has remained the epicenter of the Hippie vs Raver battle ever since.

Burning Man Bureau of Labor Statistics (BMBLS) released a report on Wednesday showing that Hippies have now gained the upper hand at the event North of Reno.

Numbers Don't Lie, Man

Ravers have always done acid, present company certainly not excepted,” said Bryan Stefarios, Executive Director of the Pro-Raver advocacy group DanceSafe.  “The troubling aspect for ravers is the growth of the drum circles and Beats Antique.  You can’t Rave to Beats Antique.”

Nearing the End of Raver Dominance

Professor of Techno and Raves at Detroit University, Jeff Mills predicted the flagging fortunes of Ravers in his 2008 book, ‘Raving Alone’.

“For years Ravers have held the upper hand at Burning Man – blasting Hippies into aural obscurity with 120 decibels of 150 bpm bass.  As the bpms have come down with the English Dubstep Invasion drum circles started to grow again.  Throw in Daniel Pinchbeck’s quixotic popularity, the four fold growth in Peruvian Ayahuasca Tourism, a severe decline in good Anthem Trance and Progressive House and Hippie Supremacy soon becomes inevitable. Sigh.”

Long time Hippie Burner ‘Dusty Lentil’ who was once co-consensus leader of a short lived association of Hippie Burners was reached for comment from his penthouse in the Upper West Side of NYC.  “I don’t know, I just love hanging out with my friends, listening to some Sector 9, lentils, my air conditioned teepee and ummm…yeah.”