Burning Math: NectarVillage vs. CenterCamp

Posted: October 3, 2011 in BurningMan, NectarVillage, News, Satire
Tags: , , , , ,

Gerlach, NV, (CN Wire) Burning Man Bureau of Labor Statistics (BMBLS) has released a metrics and graphs intensive report on ‘Rites of Passage’. Normally no one would care but for several startling surprises that is rumored to have Burning Man Corp. rethinking its whole raison d’être.

Careful measurement of foot traffic throughout Black Rock City confirmed rumors this year that NectarVillage received more foot and bicycle traffic than Center Camp.

Matheus Klinnsman, Chief Burner Statistician for BMBLS stated on a UStream Press conference, “As the above simple parametric graph shows NectarVillage cleaned Center Camps clock.”

“My recommendation to Burning Man Corp. is to rename Center Camp because it’s clearly no longer the center of the Burn, NectarVillage is.”

NectarVillage 2011 was composed of HBGB Healers, Shamandome, SnowKoan Solar, Contact Camp, Steambath Project and the mysterious Bumblepuss.  NectarVillage was formed in the 19th Century after New York Tribune editor Horace Greeley stated “Go West Young Swedish Deep Tissue Masseuse, Go West,” or alternately after a group of Burners in a Bob’s Big Boy in Van Nuys, CA heard the new 1993 Pet Shop Boys single “Go West Young Rent Boy, Go West.”

Village Chief ‘Soup’ stated over 325 people camped with NectarVillage and were overwhelmed with traffic from every direction.  Responding to press inquires via his iphone Soup responded, “Have you been destroyed!  Welcome to NectarVillage Ma’am, have you been destroyed yet?”

A post-Burn DPW crew member ‘FireDust’ was asked for comment as she stumbled out of Bruno’s Country Club in Gerlach, NV.  “Jazz Club? Jazz Club!  $8 Coffee?!  Fuck Off.  NectarVillage has a Steambath.  Throw up one of those and we’ll talk.  Speaking of throwing up…Blaaaahhhhh…”

Burning Man Corp. was on holiday at their dacha outside Minsk and released a short response via e-mail stating, “If NectarVillage is really that popular perhaps we need to become a 501(c)3 non-profit.”

BMBLS has promised “thundering revelations of a statistical nature” later in the week.  Stay Tuned to Consumption News Wire

  1. Mac Quaes says:

    An Entertaining Blog on Cool and Amazing Tips, Tricks, Secrets and Shortcuts of Mental Math for doing Faster Calculation using only the human brain, with no help from any mechanical device or even pen and paper but easily, speedily and accurately.

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