Posts Tagged ‘BurningMan’

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Hello Burners,

See below for an important message from the
Marijuana Policy Project about the evolving laws around cannabis in
Nevada and how you can prepare and participate.

The Man Burns real soon.

But cops are already hard at work aiming to burn Burners. They’re
on the hunt to bust participants caught with marijuana, saddling them
with a hefty $600 fine and a misdemeanor conviction.  A judge and
prosecutor are even relocated to the playa for the week to promptly
collect fines and process paperwork on site.

But we are improving the Nevada marijuana laws!  If you are a medical
marijuana patient, bring your patient ID card from your home state.
It should protect you from the Nevada state and local cops, due to a
new reciprocity law.  And this year, patients from any state can now
buy marijuana in Nevada dispensaries.  But since Black Rock City is
patrolled by federal rangers, who don’t follow state law, not even
patients are fully protected at the event.

We deserve better. It’s up to all of us to create a more civil
society where marijuana users aren’t targeted, harassed, and
treated like criminals.

At the Marijuana Policy Project, we’re committed to ending state and
federal marijuana prohibition. This change is possible, but
participation is key. We invite you to join us
<>. Please help us promote freedom and
liberty by giving a financial gift toward our efforts.

Together, we can end prohibition.

Thank you,

Rob Kampia
Executive Director
Marijuana Policy Project
Washington, D.C.

P.S. We’re also hard at work managing several ballot initiative
campaigns to tax and regulate marijuana in November 2016 in states like
Arizona, California, and Nevada. With each of these victories,
nationwide legal marijuana will be that much closer. (Please note that
donations to MPP will be used to support MPP generally; donations to MPP
cannot be earmarked for a ballot initiative. If you would like to
support a ballot initiative, please donate to that state’s
ballot campaign committee.)

Gerlach, NV (CB) – While you can be certain you’ll be hearing ‘Get Lucky’ and the golden throated voice of Giorgio Morodor all over the playa this year, will the French electronic duo actually perform at Burning Man for the first time since 2002?

SNF23DAFT3 young

Young Daft Punk perform at Opulent Temple in 2002.

The answer is almost certainly a qualified ‘wee’.  After having passed on the opportunity to expand their customer base at Burning Man 2011, Consumption Blog believes Daft Punk has been slowly building themselves up to a massive tour and are actively sending out unmistakeable signs Burning Man is their launching pad.

Behold the following FACTS:

  • The Daft Brothers chose not to perform at Coachella, instead staying backstage and watching the opiated masses swoon over their ad.  Performers at Coachella are required to sign an exclusivity contract saying they will not play at other hot festivals in the desert.  By not playing Coachella, Daft Punk left the door wide open to playing Burning Man. BassNectar, not so much.

Daft Punk Tackle Monaco

  • Daft Punk sponsored an art car at the Monaco Grand Prix.  The DMV just raised the speed limit to 205mph and added a wicked set of double S turns in deep playa beyond the Temple.  Coincidence?

The speed limit is 205 mph right?

  • The mini-documentaries Daft Punk created in the lead up to the release of ‘Random Access Memories’ featured only males geeking out about technical musical minutiae and not remembering the night before.

Giorgio doing his best Larry Harvey impersonation, perhaps just a bit too happy…

  • In an interview with Vogue in which they posed with a sparkle pony modeling playafied hair, Guy Monte Cristo stated their undying love of steambaths and lavender.  “Lavender after a nice steambath with a bunch of naked hippies increases your Alpha rays which have been proven to increase play and creativity.”  “Guy is correct,” interjected Tommy Bangin’ Bass .  “We hit the steambath every chance we got while making this album and hope to be doing so again real soon.”


    Two Punks and a Sparkle Pony Walk into a bar…

So there you have it fellow Burners and jaded ravers. That’s as close to a ‘yes’ as you are ever going to get from the soundtrack challenged French Electronic Duo of Some Repute.  So expect to see Daft Punk performing at Burning Man this year.  Perhaps not at one of the large sound camps already overbooked with dub step acts of dubious quality but perhaps wherever you might find a combination of lavender and a wood burning Finnish designed steambath.

Gerlach, NV, (CN Wire) Burning Man Bureau of Labor Statistics (BMBLS) has released a metrics and graphs intensive report on ‘Rites of Passage’. Normally no one would care but for several startling surprises that is rumored to have Burning Man Corp. rethinking its whole raison d’être.

Careful measurement of foot traffic throughout Black Rock City confirmed rumors this year that NectarVillage received more foot and bicycle traffic than Center Camp.

Matheus Klinnsman, Chief Burner Statistician for BMBLS stated on a UStream Press conference, “As the above simple parametric graph shows NectarVillage cleaned Center Camps clock.”

“My recommendation to Burning Man Corp. is to rename Center Camp because it’s clearly no longer the center of the Burn, NectarVillage is.”

NectarVillage 2011 was composed of HBGB Healers, Shamandome, SnowKoan Solar, Contact Camp, Steambath Project and the mysterious Bumblepuss.  NectarVillage was formed in the 19th Century after New York Tribune editor Horace Greeley stated “Go West Young Swedish Deep Tissue Masseuse, Go West,” or alternately after a group of Burners in a Bob’s Big Boy in Van Nuys, CA heard the new 1993 Pet Shop Boys single “Go West Young Rent Boy, Go West.”

Village Chief ‘Soup’ stated over 325 people camped with NectarVillage and were overwhelmed with traffic from every direction.  Responding to press inquires via his iphone Soup responded, “Have you been destroyed!  Welcome to NectarVillage Ma’am, have you been destroyed yet?”

A post-Burn DPW crew member ‘FireDust’ was asked for comment as she stumbled out of Bruno’s Country Club in Gerlach, NV.  “Jazz Club? Jazz Club!  $8 Coffee?!  Fuck Off.  NectarVillage has a Steambath.  Throw up one of those and we’ll talk.  Speaking of throwing up…Blaaaahhhhh…”

Burning Man Corp. was on holiday at their dacha outside Minsk and released a short response via e-mail stating, “If NectarVillage is really that popular perhaps we need to become a 501(c)3 non-profit.”

BMBLS has promised “thundering revelations of a statistical nature” later in the week.  Stay Tuned to Consumption News Wire

Update: Many DJ’s are in danger of not getting into Burning Man because they do not have tickets.  This is like going into a K-Hole in the Happy Hardcore Room.  Yes, its that serious.  Read below how you can help change this.

Burning Man has a long and glorious history of participant driven art, music, healing and humor. To lend ahelping hand to this participant driven event Burning Man Corp. simply provides the infrastructure, cheap coffee, wonderfully cold ice, art grants, builds the Man, controls the media, tells you where your theme camp will be, deals with the default world government, sells the tickets, fire control, creates Center Camp and a few hundred other foundational tasks. So one must be careful when asking Burning Man Corp. to take on another layer of responsibility.

But when we have a true, documented ‘market failure’ over several Burns where participants fail to create stuff that is in their obvious self interest I think it is in everyone’s interest that the government, in this case Burning Man Corp. step in and take over.

What’s the howling need not being addressed by Burning Man participants?

Not nearly enough Trance.*

It used to be everywhere on the playa – now maybe a 2 hour set by a lonely Dutch super star is all you get from Opulent Temple.

*And NO! Psytrance most certainly doesn’t count.

Not at All.

We need more Trance.  Preferably Anthem Trance. The only way it can be said simpler is with a 125-150 bpm 32 beat phase.

 Burning Man is the hegemonic fist of history that will bring it to us.

Our Trance-y Demands:

NEW Uplifting Demand:  All Anthem Trance DJs without a ticket be provided one by Burning Man Corp.

1) All sound camps must have one DJ headline with ‘van’ in his surname – yes – that includes you Nexus or should we say ‘van Nexus’.
2) The Unimog and all Art Cars with large sound systems must play at least 25% Trance or be banned by the DMV.
3) Trance Trance Revolution will be given the key corner spot at 10 or 2 o’clock.
4) The Man’s face will be made to resemble Tiesto.
5) A 10% tithe of all revenue generated from BurningMan will be donated to the 501©3 non-profit Trance Development Corporation which helps bring Trance into the schools of the most Trance deprived areas around the globe from the Bronx to Buenos Aires. Sorry Frankie Knuckles & Hernán Cattáneo you don’t count.

Fill out the below petition to demand Burning Man to do what is right in the name of Trance:

from the Consumptive Archives

Washington, DC – Shortly after being inaugurated the 44th President of the United States President Obama announced he was selling his BurningMan tickets on craigslist.  “I’m totally bummed but if we are as a country to pick ourselves up off the ground and dust ourselves off it would be hypocritical of me to be covered in playa dust.”

President Barak Obama who goes by the playa name ‘Barak Obama’ has been to BurningMan two previous years.

In 2005 he led the Chicago Fire Conclave during their Burn night performance.  “You think he gives a good speech?  You should see him spin poi” said Bubblebear, a campmate that year.

BM org issued an official response expressing regret and understanding.  “I met him down at Human Carcass Wash a few years back and he seems like an ok guy I guess,” said Larry Harvey.

Barack made the statement attending an inaugural Ball put on by BurningMan, named ‘Burning Green Balls 2009’ which featured acts Bass Nectar and showing art by Alex Grey and some crazy motherfucker in a fake fur coat.  The President was asked to spin poi for the attendees but the idea was quashed by Secret Service and the president soon left for the next Inaugural Ball on his list.  “I got the tickets hella cheap” the President was overheard saying as he left, “but I can totally get $300 on craigslist.”

BREAKING: As Ghaddafi’s regime crumbles in Libya its believe he has fled from one desert to anther, arriving early Monday morning in Gerlach on an Early Arrival Pass.


Every Burn since Roman times BurningMan and Deathguild’s Thunderdome has hosted a DeathMatch between two hardened brigands. In the fight where both win a prize – the sweet silence of everlasting death for one and freedom from imprisonment for the other – this year, 2011, is MUST WATCH DEATHMATCH.

DeathGuild and BurningMan held a joint press conference on the ashes of Empire, NV to announce the first DeathMatch Gladiator:

He’ll hit you as many ways as you can spell his name.

His bizarre fashion sense will blind you like playa dust thrown in your eyes.

He’s as crazy as San Francisco Giants Relief pitcher Brian Wilson.

His lengthy rambling talks will feel like 100 bodyshots.

He’s won more prize money than Floyd “The MoneyMaker” Mayweather.

After stepping in the ring with him you’ll soon be begging for the services of his voluptuous blonde Ukrainian nurse.

Yes folks, weighing in at 10 stone not counting the chemical weapons hidden in his rhinestone covered boxer briefs the 42 time Libyan heavy weight champion and war criminal…

The Terror of Tripoli

The Bashaw of Benghazi

The Marader of the Mahgreb

The Jumping Jehoshaphat of Juventus

wait for it…wait for it…wait for it

Muammar Ghaddafi!

Muammar Gaddafi

At the time of the press release The Colonel was not available for comment. The whereabouts of his secret training facility, rumored to be at a Toureg desert Oasis, hidden from the press and the world.

Stay Tuned to find out which War Criminal Ghaddafi will be facing off against. Because the Man Burns in less than 90 days and justice will Burn even brighter.

Wa Wa Wa Washington, DC – Today in federal court the pressure group PETA (People for the Esoteric Treatment of Animals) sought an injunction against the BurningMan festival being held this year.  PETA cited rampant anthropocentrism and the events’ ban on animals as the reason for their actions.

“This event is completely biased in favor of humans,” proclaimed a press release from the fringe organization best known for marching on behalf of the right to privacy for Schrödinger’s cat.  “The three main tenets of BurningMan isn’t ‘Sex, Trance, Fire’ but ‘Man, Man, mainly white 25-45 year old Man’.”

The ‘Man is Really Awesome Corp.’, the name of the corporate monolith that runs the Nevada based loquacious arts festival issued a short statement in response to the suit.

“We don’t comment on issues currently in the court, especially ones issued by cat people, and certainly not before consulting The Man, man.”

At a press conference held at the DC Office of the controversial Veterinarians for America, a spokesperson for PETA, Persian McBeagle stated their demands for BurningMan in order for them to drop the suit:

1. BurningMan be renamed something less Anthropocentric such as ‘Mainly Water’ or ‘Carbon-based Life Form’

2. The Man at the center of the event be redesigned to incorporate animal features.  Perhaps a half man half goat all frat boy Satyr.

3. The ban on animals at the event be rescinded and as reparation for their past ban be given free entry without a ticket for at least five years.

“Just like humans animals deserve one week per year of not having to wear clothes, do 2C-B, and not buy stuff with money,” bayed McBeagle.

Burners sought for comment on Second Life were outraged.  Dusty Dalek commented what many approached in game had on their mind.  “[2011/03/12 15:36] If Animals are allowed into BurningMan guess who is gonna benefit man?  Veterinarians – that’s who man, and you know who owns Veterinarians? General Electric.  And you know who own General Electric?  The Koch Bothers and they haven’t been to the Burn since 1980.  Sellouts. Connect teh dots man.”

A federal judge is expected to rule on the injunction on three weeks.

BurningMan 2011 News Now

Gerlach, NV – Tea Party Comrades have started organizing in earnest for this years 2011 BurningMan festival. On sites like Townhall, Red State, and Free Republic Tea Party Burners are planning a large theme camp named “Oolong It Don’t Take a Village”. Lead organizer Tommy T-Baggin’ said they expect over 300 Oolong’ers this year.

Tea Lady

On the message boards of the nascent Burning Teabagger’s websites a push is gaining momentum to out ‘The Man’ as being foreign born and thus is ineligible to be burnt, exploded, and otherwise destroyed on Bureau of Land Management terra firma under an obscure law championed by 19th Century Kentucky Senator and neo-trade unionist Tuckerite Cassius Clay. If successful the Oolongs would achieve a major coup. The Man has only not been burnt once right after the Bonfire of the Vanities consumed all Burnable Goods in Italy shortly before the infamous Florentine Burn of 1497 where Machiavelli was eaten alive Burn Night as the best possible alternative.

The Man

One Oolong Burner ‘Dusty Earl’ reached by Skype was asked why they would want to stop the Man from being Burnt after all these milennia of decadent immolation and Trance music. “Burning Man has been run by a small cabal of goths and hippies.” Said Dusty, “with a foreign born 5th Steel column being right at the center literally and figuratively.”

“These Jacobians claim to be for the future, they claim to be in favor of the towns in the surrounding area – if that’s the case then why is Empire being shut down?” frothed the Earl. “Why will I have to get my Campbells’ Chunky Beef Soup in Reno? Why will I have to find a way to keep my Boca Burgers frozen all the way from Fernley? Do you know how fucking hot it is on the playa?! Why Why Why!!!” he wailed as his scratchy internet Skype call slowly faded like Mazzy Star’s mid-1990s success.

Mazzy+star+ +1

Tea Party Oolongers’ first arrived at BurningMan in 2010 and were immediately boosted by the successful outing of Larry Harvey as having been born in Transnistria or the Pridnestrovian Moldavian Republic for those lacking the gift of brevity rather than Terre Haute, Indiana as Harvey claimed when he ran for the first and only time to become Supreme Overlord of BurningMan in a supremely undemocratic election during an orgy/Alsatian cabinet making session on Baker Beach in 1962. Harvey has since retired and is rumored to live in a dacha on the Black Sea where he runs a human trafficking syndicate and participates in an Old Church Slavonic mens Choir every Saturday Night.

Early cyrillic alphabet

Chief Oolong pre-Playa organizer Dusty Duke said Ooloong It Don’t Take a Village will be run on liquid coal airlifted in daily on a C-130 from West Virginia. The main community event of Oolong will be the dumping of several tons of processed frozen TV Dinners on the playa at Noon Thursday in a historic re-enactment of the Revolutionary Era Tea Party Protest. A spokesperson for the Earth Guardians talking to this reporter on condition of animosity said they plan a counter protest of the event dressed up as Redcoats delivering musket fire involving re-used organic wild harvested lead in the general direction of the Oolongers.

800px Swanson TV dinner

As we head mercilessly toward BurningMan two OHHH double hockey sticks I recall washed over with nostalgia my top ten moments from the megalith that is NectarVilage and Bumblepuss –

Here are my top 10 moments – what are your top ten moments?

Top 10 Moment in 2010 from BurningMan

1. Running around Reno picking up last minute supplies
2. Loading the truck in Fernley
3. Getting onto the playa 5 days before the event started
4. The sandstorm during set up were we all stayed in the one structure we had set up and we all sat around doing K all day
5. SteamBath!
6. The Buffer!
7. The efficient and swift camp strike that left us in the Darkest of Green green on the MOOP Map
8. Grand Sierra Resort – seeing all you Bumblers clean and smiling for the first time in a week
9. Hijinks at the Fernley Storage Space – “Whoever set my car on Fire – I’m gonna get you next year!” Hilarious.
10. Decompression in San Francisco