Wa Wa Wa Washington, DC – Today in federal court the pressure group PETA (People for the Esoteric Treatment of Animals) sought an injunction against the BurningMan festival being held this year. PETA cited rampant anthropocentrism and the events’ ban on animals as the reason for their actions.
“This event is completely biased in favor of humans,” proclaimed a press release from the fringe organization best known for marching on behalf of the right to privacy for Schrödinger’s cat. “The three main tenets of BurningMan isn’t ‘Sex, Trance, Fire’ but ‘Man, Man, mainly white 25-45 year old Man’.”
The ‘Man is Really Awesome Corp.’, the name of the corporate monolith that runs the Nevada based loquacious arts festival issued a short statement in response to the suit.
“We don’t comment on issues currently in the court, especially ones issued by cat people, and certainly not before consulting The Man, man.”
At a press conference held at the DC Office of the controversial Veterinarians for America, a spokesperson for PETA, Persian McBeagle stated their demands for BurningMan in order for them to drop the suit:
1. BurningMan be renamed something less Anthropocentric such as ‘Mainly Water’ or ‘Carbon-based Life Form’
2. The Man at the center of the event be redesigned to incorporate animal features. Perhaps a half man half goat all frat boy Satyr.
3. The ban on animals at the event be rescinded and as reparation for their past ban be given free entry without a ticket for at least five years.
“Just like humans animals deserve one week per year of not having to wear clothes, do 2C-B, and not buy stuff with money,” bayed McBeagle.
Burners sought for comment on Second Life were outraged. Dusty Dalek commented what many approached in game had on their mind. “[2011/03/12 15:36] If Animals are allowed into BurningMan guess who is gonna benefit man? Veterinarians – that’s who man, and you know who owns Veterinarians? General Electric. And you know who own General Electric? The Koch Bothers and they haven’t been to the Burn since 1980. Sellouts. Connect teh dots man.”
A federal judge is expected to rule on the injunction on three weeks.
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