Posts Tagged ‘Trance Music’

Somewhere near Market and West Grand Oakland, CA (CN) –  Festivals & Promotions (F&P) announced late Friday night from a rave in a west Oakland warehouse that it has downgraded Burning Man from its highest rating ‘MDMA’ to ‘MDA’. The ratings agency cited chaos surrounding tickets unexpectedly selling out; ensuing riots, lack of Anthem Trance, and a lawsuit by PETA.

Burning Man Corp. organizers were said to be distraught and defiant. “Those motherfuckers,” slurred bearded Burning Man spokesman Angry Bear, found drinking a $4 PBR Tallboy at Murio’s Trophy Room in the Upper Haight late Friday night.  “I know which warehouse they are at in Oakland.  If it was anywhere but west Oakland, I’d go show them a ratings downgrade! Enjoy that shitty trainwrecking Breaks DJ – what rating you give her? Awwwwwrrrrrrrrr!”

F&P started rating Burning Man, the Newport Jazz Festival, and other large outdoor events in 1941 on an evolving and poorly understood 21 point scale.  At the beginning high ratings were given for items such as number of Black Bears and Brill Cream.  Today the ratings revolve around number of dubstep DJs per 1000 festival goers, difficulty exiting the event, flame quotient, and a mysterious bacon algorithm called the Bacon Shuffle.

F&P Bacon Shuffle Algorithm

F&P spokesperson White Paul was reached via cellphone at the Oakland warehouse rave, “You can only peak on an MDMA rating for so long and Burning Man has done it longer than anyone which is marvelous.”  Adding insult to injury White Paul continued rambling,  “An MDA rating is still pretty damn good, Bonoroo has an MDA rating so don’t be so judgmental Burning Man.”

According to White Paul most Burners won’t notice a difference because of the downgrade.  “You can expect the price of coffee to be higher, the port-a-potties will be cleaned less often and less bacon and frozen pickles will be gifted.”

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“As Goes Black Rock City, So Goes the World” Herodotus

Burning Man is in full fledged freak out mode.

Don’t buy the calm, slightly sarcastic repose of the Burning Man organizers.  They are shaking in their dusty black boots.

Burning Man is having a crisis not seen since Larry Harvey decided to hold the Burn of 1916 in Verdun in an ill conceived scheme to save money on fireworks.

Here is but a short list of press reports documenting that event in the desert slightly north of Reno slow decent into chaos:

Tickets are sold out and Burners are rioting


The Man has been exposed as being foreign born

Trance music is at an all time low

Obama has sold his Burning Man tickets yet again.


You can now find your friends easily on the playa.

Ghaddafi to appear in the Thunderdome

PETA has filed suite against Burning Man

New Age Survival Backpacks Selling Like Hotcakes 

Update: Many DJ’s are in danger of not getting into Burning Man because they do not have tickets.  This is like going into a K-Hole in the Happy Hardcore Room.  Yes, its that serious.  Read below how you can help change this.

Burning Man has a long and glorious history of participant driven art, music, healing and humor. To lend ahelping hand to this participant driven event Burning Man Corp. simply provides the infrastructure, cheap coffee, wonderfully cold ice, art grants, builds the Man, controls the media, tells you where your theme camp will be, deals with the default world government, sells the tickets, fire control, creates Center Camp and a few hundred other foundational tasks. So one must be careful when asking Burning Man Corp. to take on another layer of responsibility.

But when we have a true, documented ‘market failure’ over several Burns where participants fail to create stuff that is in their obvious self interest I think it is in everyone’s interest that the government, in this case Burning Man Corp. step in and take over.

What’s the howling need not being addressed by Burning Man participants?

Not nearly enough Trance.*

It used to be everywhere on the playa – now maybe a 2 hour set by a lonely Dutch super star is all you get from Opulent Temple.

*And NO! Psytrance most certainly doesn’t count.

Not at All.

We need more Trance.  Preferably Anthem Trance. The only way it can be said simpler is with a 125-150 bpm 32 beat phase.

 Burning Man is the hegemonic fist of history that will bring it to us.

Our Trance-y Demands:

NEW Uplifting Demand:  All Anthem Trance DJs without a ticket be provided one by Burning Man Corp.

1) All sound camps must have one DJ headline with ‘van’ in his surname – yes – that includes you Nexus or should we say ‘van Nexus’.
2) The Unimog and all Art Cars with large sound systems must play at least 25% Trance or be banned by the DMV.
3) Trance Trance Revolution will be given the key corner spot at 10 or 2 o’clock.
4) The Man’s face will be made to resemble Tiesto.
5) A 10% tithe of all revenue generated from BurningMan will be donated to the 501©3 non-profit Trance Development Corporation which helps bring Trance into the schools of the most Trance deprived areas around the globe from the Bronx to Buenos Aires. Sorry Frankie Knuckles & Hernán Cattáneo you don’t count.

Fill out the below petition to demand Burning Man to do what is right in the name of Trance: