Archive for the ‘NectarVillage’ Category

Official statement from Burning Man Corp. about the Covid-19 ‘Corona’ virus.

Tenderloin, SF March 9th 2020 (Global Playawire) – In recent days Burning Man HQ has been bombarded by questions, concerns and wild, unhinged demands concerning this years Burn and Covid19, playa name ‘Dusty Corona‘.  Frankly we’ve been appalled by most of your inquiries but nonetheless feel compelled to respond lest even worse rumors and fear mongering narratives get granted default legitimacy by our silence.

So listen and listen good.

Say ‘Yes’ to Corona

People actively hosting the Corona virus will be allowed into Burning Man this year so long as they are ticket holders and are not trying to smuggle weapons, fireworks, animals or face masks.  The 12 Principals are quiet clear about this:  RADICAL INCLUSION doesn’t just mean inviting your friends or allowing a Bloomberg voter to camp with you – it means actively welcoming carriers of a catastrophic global public health pandemic into the Steambath Project, on your art car, and yes, in your bacon.

If you can’t handle it there is always Coachella.

Safety will remain a distant 3rd.  After a behind closed door vote by the 32nd Council of Burning Man Elders (CBE), the 11th Principal – ‘Safety Third’ will remain 3rd and not be moved up to ‘Safety 2nd’ displacing Gorilla tape and zip ties.  In practice this means people with Corona virus will be admitted with a ticket (see above) and any face mask that looks like it might be effective will be confiscated at the gate.

Burning Man is an Experiment:  And like any good experiment it will be studied by people who are better than you.  Scientists will be seen on the playa in large numbers carrying out varied and sundry medical and scientific studies to better understand what happens when a deadly global virus experiencing hockey stick growth is embraced by an open, loving community like Burners.  A few notable examples will be MAPS conducting nightly tests on 1000 subjects at White Ocean of whether 2C-B is a potential vaccine for the Corona virus.  Foam Against the Machine will also be testing Dr. Bronners Magic Soap as a possible super fun and foamy topical vaccine.
You have already given your consent to on-demand blood, saliva and other specimen testing.  If you don’t believe us, read the back of your ticket and don’t be surprised when you are required to give a blood sample to some guy jumping out of a golf cart in a hazmat suit near the Temple at 2am yelling. “YOU’VE BEEN CHOSEN!  YOU’VE BEEN CHOSEN!
Corona virus and the 12 Principals; we believe
We believe that the Radical Inclusion of Corona virus carriers on the playa is a Gift untainted by Commodification.  We believe the Corona virus is fully Self Reliant and excited to fully Express itself at Burning Man this year.  We believe if there are any negative effects of Corona virus on the playa that our Communal Effort and sense of Civic Responsibility will allow us to leave for the Grand Sierra Resort with No Trace of Corona virus interrupting the Immediacy of jumping in the pool head first, Safety Third.
See you dusty Burners.  Please, for the love of Larry Harvey, no more questions.

Gerlach, NV (CB) – While you can be certain you’ll be hearing ‘Get Lucky’ and the golden throated voice of Giorgio Morodor all over the playa this year, will the French electronic duo actually perform at Burning Man for the first time since 2002?

SNF23DAFT3 young

Young Daft Punk perform at Opulent Temple in 2002.

The answer is almost certainly a qualified ‘wee’.  After having passed on the opportunity to expand their customer base at Burning Man 2011, Consumption Blog believes Daft Punk has been slowly building themselves up to a massive tour and are actively sending out unmistakeable signs Burning Man is their launching pad.

Behold the following FACTS:

  • The Daft Brothers chose not to perform at Coachella, instead staying backstage and watching the opiated masses swoon over their ad.  Performers at Coachella are required to sign an exclusivity contract saying they will not play at other hot festivals in the desert.  By not playing Coachella, Daft Punk left the door wide open to playing Burning Man. BassNectar, not so much.
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Daft Punk Tackle Monaco

  • Daft Punk sponsored an art car at the Monaco Grand Prix.  The DMV just raised the speed limit to 205mph and added a wicked set of double S turns in deep playa beyond the Temple.  Coincidence?
daft-punk-race-car-wide

The speed limit is 205 mph right?

  • The mini-documentaries Daft Punk created in the lead up to the release of ‘Random Access Memories’ featured only males geeking out about technical musical minutiae and not remembering the night before.
moroder

Giorgio doing his best Larry Harvey impersonation, perhaps just a bit too happy…

  • In an interview with Vogue in which they posed with a sparkle pony modeling playafied hair, Guy Monte Cristo stated their undying love of steambaths and lavender.  “Lavender after a nice steambath with a bunch of naked hippies increases your Alpha rays which have been proven to increase play and creativity.”  “Guy is correct,” interjected Tommy Bangin’ Bass .  “We hit the steambath every chance we got while making this album and hope to be doing so again real soon.”

    VOGUE-Daft-Punk-Karlie-Kloss-5

    Two Punks and a Sparkle Pony Walk into a bar…

So there you have it fellow Burners and jaded ravers. That’s as close to a ‘yes’ as you are ever going to get from the soundtrack challenged French Electronic Duo of Some Repute.  So expect to see Daft Punk performing at Burning Man this year.  Perhaps not at one of the large sound camps already overbooked with dub step acts of dubious quality but perhaps wherever you might find a combination of lavender and a wood burning Finnish designed steambath.

6:30 and Something, maybe D, sorta near Nectar Village, NV (CN)  – I found this headlamp at the Burn.  Is it yours? Sorry I took so long.

Yours? Really?

Yours? Really?

Decompression was really tough and if I’m honest, I kinda like using it.

I think it’s a BlackDiamond.  It was Tuesday after the Burn, it was in a bag on an abandoned bike on 6:30 and something, maybe D, sorta near Nectar Village.  It was extremely dusty.  From the location I found this headlamp I could see a Budget rental truck, a couple tents and the flags from the top of Center Camp.

headlamp3a

Do you use Duracell? Then this might be yours.

Perhaps the biggest identifying element on it is the Duracell batteries.  They still power the headlamp.

From the Playa to the Galaxy

From the Playa to the Galaxy

If you believe this to be your headlamp, please submit a story how you lost it in the comments section below and then mail a blood, hair and stool sample plus $125 cash for testing to the Hotel Galaxy in Changuinola, Panama, Bocas Del Toro, Avenida 17 de Abril c/o ‘Gringo’s Lost Headlamp’ where it currently provides light during occasional power outages.   The headlamps rightful owner, once identified, will arrange to meet me at Burning Man 2013, Cargo Cult in Nevada, somewhere around 6:30 and something, sorta near Nectar Village.

Thank you.

Nectar Village HQ, San Francisco (CN) – As the below news footage from Burning Man 2011 demonstrate Placement are always the hardest folks to deal with at the Event North of Reno.

For more information about Nectar Village and the mysterious Soup mentioned by Adolf check out:

Nectar Village Origins Part 1

Gerlach, NV, (CN Wire) Burning Man Bureau of Labor Statistics (BMBLS) has released a metrics and graphs intensive report on ‘Rites of Passage’. Normally no one would care but for several startling surprises that is rumored to have Burning Man Corp. rethinking its whole raison d’être.

Careful measurement of foot traffic throughout Black Rock City confirmed rumors this year that NectarVillage received more foot and bicycle traffic than Center Camp.

Matheus Klinnsman, Chief Burner Statistician for BMBLS stated on a UStream Press conference, “As the above simple parametric graph shows NectarVillage cleaned Center Camps clock.”

“My recommendation to Burning Man Corp. is to rename Center Camp because it’s clearly no longer the center of the Burn, NectarVillage is.”

NectarVillage 2011 was composed of HBGB Healers, Shamandome, SnowKoan Solar, Contact Camp, Steambath Project and the mysterious Bumblepuss.  NectarVillage was formed in the 19th Century after New York Tribune editor Horace Greeley stated “Go West Young Swedish Deep Tissue Masseuse, Go West,” or alternately after a group of Burners in a Bob’s Big Boy in Van Nuys, CA heard the new 1993 Pet Shop Boys single “Go West Young Rent Boy, Go West.”

Village Chief ‘Soup’ stated over 325 people camped with NectarVillage and were overwhelmed with traffic from every direction.  Responding to press inquires via his iphone Soup responded, “Have you been destroyed!  Welcome to NectarVillage Ma’am, have you been destroyed yet?”

A post-Burn DPW crew member ‘FireDust’ was asked for comment as she stumbled out of Bruno’s Country Club in Gerlach, NV.  “Jazz Club? Jazz Club!  $8 Coffee?!  Fuck Off.  NectarVillage has a Steambath.  Throw up one of those and we’ll talk.  Speaking of throwing up…Blaaaahhhhh…”

Burning Man Corp. was on holiday at their dacha outside Minsk and released a short response via e-mail stating, “If NectarVillage is really that popular perhaps we need to become a 501(c)3 non-profit.”

BMBLS has promised “thundering revelations of a statistical nature” later in the week.  Stay Tuned to Consumption News Wire

It was great to meet so many Consumptives out at the event North of Reno.

A special shout out to all my peeps in Bumblepuss and NectarVillage – thanks for keeping it real.

This blog is not dead – updates, prizes, celebrity interviews and more will be appearing in October 2011 on this blog – stay tuned and beware!

Cheers,

Consumptionblog Management

The following truth falls like pearls from the lips and gilded onyx keyboard of Clear, a man who has many roles in Bumblepuss – High Holiest Highest Priest of Goat Slapping being first and foremost – bringer of many vibrant people to Bumble – massage artist – DPW representative and soon he’ll be cracking your ribcage open and massaging your heart as he undertakes an online course in cardiac surgery.

Please retain this for the records:

The Alternate Unabridged Version of Our people, where Burning Man Originated 
and how to roast an apple without getting your feet burned.
The night was one of the full eclipsed moon circa 2539 BC when the idea 
first hit our historical godfather’s ancestor le Gizzle del Pete…who was a 
dope gangsta style version of your classic Roman emperor, and the chief of 
the nomadic goat herding tribe the ~Umbfus’ious of Nec’ar V”lleege.  It was 
an ancient people who’s history could go back farther, but to what end, for 
Gizzle was the dopest chief off that ever made history.
His father’s ancestor, it is said, was the guide to Moses.  It is saidith 
and so it is written that the great P-Gizzle was the first of know man to 
step foot on the desert and piss clear.  From here, people reared him as a 
savior.  How could any man in a desert be hydrated they wondered.  The 
Gizzle said, I am the savior and leader and one day I will bring great peace 
to this desert.  I will lead a revolution of sorts and invention of sorts 
that will be the basis that saves humanity, the basis that allows humanity 
to evolve to the next level, conquer other planets, to go where no goat has 
ever gone before.
P-Gizzle roamed the lands on a vision quest, but before he left, he taught 
his people to cook a reguvination apple:

  • 1 Apple
  • Honey
  • 
Spirulina & 
Maca (or earth blend)
  • 1 Black handled mini knife/toothpick
  • Core Apple
  • 
(leaving the bottom fully intact so as to act a cup for the honey)
  • Heat Apple
  • 
Poke holes into apple from core towards skin (do not puncture skin)
  • Pour in Spirulina and Maca and Honey
  • Let sit overnight 
Eat Naked next day 
Steam Bath Project 
Massage 
Sit in sun/kitchen with other Bumblers 
Feel reguvinated

As time would have it, the Gizzle had been gone for what seemed centuries. 
Later we find out he met up with a homey named Jebus in the wilderness and 
granted him three wishes….long story.  Nonetheless, Gizzle returned home 
and the people were joyous, but upset they had lost their leader for so 
long.  They found he had returned with a man named Jebus.  They blamed this 
man for his having had taken away their leader.  Lies, said Gizzle, but 
nobody listened.  They burned Jebus.  It was…

The First Burning Man.

Later that night….they realized their wrong doing and built a temple in 
his honor. 
Gizzle said, “We shall burn this temple too for our mistake hath written 
history wrong! And I shallf forever be known as Jebus the savior, for I will 
return to the towns as he, and all the lands will know not that which has 
been mistaken here.  And as I am gone you will make this spot your camp 
forever and ever and ever forever.”
They made camp upon the spot and raised an apple  each to their leader.
That very night the first goat was 
slapped as Jebus, the leader, left.  It was his famous last words in which 
we recall today, “From henthforth hitherto ye shall never again have a 
leader.  For ye all will lead when leading and lead not when not leading. 
You will be the last and only tribe upon this planet of which will know the 
ways of the way.  You shall be aware that you will go into history, isolated 
in this desert as the only leaderless group ever and forever ever forever. 
Ye shall know and remember, that to lead is the false way of phophets and to 
slap is the true belief in self, humanity and the way.”  (Word for word as 
recorded by Broseephious the Righter in the year of Broseephious 1298 DB as 
in During Broseephious, which we are not sure what correlation it has to any 
other calender as he did not record anything else and lived isolated with 
the rest of the tribe from the rest of the world thereafter the recorded 
history.
Years later archeologists believe they have found the remains of this first 
tribe with their only weapon, device or food preparation tool in the Black 
Rock Desert where it is believed they lived during those times of old.  It 
is also believed they fashioned thier tiny knives and picks with the bone of 
goat, which is long gone and the handle yet still remain, of rock.  Today 
you find this rock between itself and the soft place we call playa.
It’s believed the camp Bumblepuss of Nectar Village and their holy Godfather 
T-Dizzle fled the desert in 1980 PDB as in Post During Brospephious when 
word came that a new people were to colonize the land, and they had a leader 
named Larry.  The people of Bumble decided it was time to let the world come 
to them and they did.  They opened up to a new way, they acted as if they’d 
never been to the desert and let the newbies believe it was a “discovery!” 
They populated the desert with these new peoples as one of them.  They even 
opened their own camp to particiapte in the goings ons with them.
It’s said when someone comes around Bumblepuss and asks, “Who’s in charge?” 
The best answer is “I am.”  Cause they don’t want anyone to know they, we, 
who we really are.  And Jebus forbid, the Burners of today start coming to 
the Bumblepuss asking, how do we live a utopian society like you have?  How 
did you figure it out in just the few short years since we’ve all been 
coming to the desert?  How come our camp has leaders and assistants and 
people in charge of this and work hours and shifts, and still nothing gets 
done, and still there are fights and dramas?  How is it your people has not 
a single list or leader and all is done and not a drama is in the air?
The Bumblers are said to usually direct the questions to the Goat…
And so it is said, and so it is written.