Archive for the ‘Bumblepuss’ Category

Gerlach, NV (CB) – While you can be certain you’ll be hearing ‘Get Lucky’ and the golden throated voice of Giorgio Morodor all over the playa this year, will the French electronic duo actually perform at Burning Man for the first time since 2002?

SNF23DAFT3 young

Young Daft Punk perform at Opulent Temple in 2002.

The answer is almost certainly a qualified ‘wee’.  After having passed on the opportunity to expand their customer base at Burning Man 2011, Consumption Blog believes Daft Punk has been slowly building themselves up to a massive tour and are actively sending out unmistakeable signs Burning Man is their launching pad.

Behold the following FACTS:

  • The Daft Brothers chose not to perform at Coachella, instead staying backstage and watching the opiated masses swoon over their ad.  Performers at Coachella are required to sign an exclusivity contract saying they will not play at other hot festivals in the desert.  By not playing Coachella, Daft Punk left the door wide open to playing Burning Man. BassNectar, not so much.
48b0d17b

Daft Punk Tackle Monaco

  • Daft Punk sponsored an art car at the Monaco Grand Prix.  The DMV just raised the speed limit to 205mph and added a wicked set of double S turns in deep playa beyond the Temple.  Coincidence?
daft-punk-race-car-wide

The speed limit is 205 mph right?

  • The mini-documentaries Daft Punk created in the lead up to the release of ‘Random Access Memories’ featured only males geeking out about technical musical minutiae and not remembering the night before.
moroder

Giorgio doing his best Larry Harvey impersonation, perhaps just a bit too happy…

  • In an interview with Vogue in which they posed with a sparkle pony modeling playafied hair, Guy Monte Cristo stated their undying love of steambaths and lavender.  “Lavender after a nice steambath with a bunch of naked hippies increases your Alpha rays which have been proven to increase play and creativity.”  “Guy is correct,” interjected Tommy Bangin’ Bass .  “We hit the steambath every chance we got while making this album and hope to be doing so again real soon.”

    VOGUE-Daft-Punk-Karlie-Kloss-5

    Two Punks and a Sparkle Pony Walk into a bar…

So there you have it fellow Burners and jaded ravers. That’s as close to a ‘yes’ as you are ever going to get from the soundtrack challenged French Electronic Duo of Some Repute.  So expect to see Daft Punk performing at Burning Man this year.  Perhaps not at one of the large sound camps already overbooked with dub step acts of dubious quality but perhaps wherever you might find a combination of lavender and a wood burning Finnish designed steambath.

Dear Burning Man,

When I saw the news flash of a meteorite hitting Russia today I immediately ascribed it’s origins to Burning Man.  As a long time Burner, how could I not?  For more on this unique event I went to the source, BurningMan.com.  What I found was a cover up of all evidence the meteorite stirke was caused by the people who run Burning Man.  Burners.me will soon have the full story I am sure.

The Real Burning Man Project?

Instead what I found was a recent posting on the 2012 Burning Man Census helpfully entitled:  BRC Census: Were You Counted? Did You Count? Can You Count?  And it dawned on me.  My camp, the eternal Bumblepuss, is Burning Man.

Just look at these numbers and tell me I’m wrong:

AGE
Under 20 years: 4% (1% – 7%)
20 – 40 years: 71% (65% – 77%)
Over 40 years: 24% (19% – 29%)
Average age: 34 (33 – 36)

CURRENT GENDER
Female: 38% (32% – 44%)
Male: 60% (56% – 65%)
Both/neither/fluid: 1.5% (< 1% – 3%)

Percent of population who are at Burning Man for the FIRST TIME
39%* (32% – 45%)

TICKET SOURCE
Burning Man: 60% (55% – 64%)
friend: 27% (25% – 28%)
stranger: 6% (2% – 11%)
third party reseller: 3.3% (2.6% – 4.1%)

TICKET PRICE
More than face value: 6% (4% – 7%)
Face value: 74% (72% – 75%)
Less than face value: 8% (5% – 11%)
Gift: 5% (3% – 7%)

MISCELLANEOUS
Percent of eligible voters who VOTED in at least one of the last four federal US elections
83% (80% – 87%)

Political party affiliation among eligible voters
Democratic: 34% (30% – 38%)
None: 33% (26% – 40%)
Republican: 24% (18% – 29%)
Other: 3.5% (2% – 5%)
Green: 1.5% (< 1% – 2.2%)

Percent of the population for whom English is their first language
86% (81% – 90%)

Percent of population who reside in the US
76% (59% – 93%)

Except the fact that Bumblers are all hedonistic consequentialists practicing radical anarcho-syndicalism in all aspects in our lives and thus uniformly vote Republican, sans two wild and wooly Kantian Canadians, you basically nailed the nail on the head with the Burning Hammer of Truth.

Because of this radical self expression of group similarity between Bumblepuss and Burning Man I suggest that in 2013 you simply take a census at Bumblepuss.  This would save the time and money of the BMorg and perhaps lower the ticket prices by .25¢.  Volunteers could be used for other purposes such as staying in Reno and preparing the Grand Sierra Resort for the after party.   Finally, those concerned with the relentless measurement-ization of Burning Man would have their worse Orwellian fears simultaneously assuaged and inflamed.

We at Bumblepuss after a long days work helping naked people into the Steambath Project puff our chests out, put our hands up and say,

“Count Us, Burning Man; for We, Bumblepuss, are Burning Man!”

Victoria, Australia (CN) – Australia’s sole academic journal concerned with cultural issues and stuff, Meanjin, recently published an article about Burning Man that has breathed new life into the slowly dying desert event.

The author of the article makes several controversial claims about Burning Man such as:

“I worried about the penises…”

“Burning Man began in 1986 on Baker Beach in San Francisco…”

“…bizarre goat-slapping ceremonies involving ridiculous paper-mache goats…” [Editors Note: Fact -There was no paper-mache, that goat was made of asbestos and transcendence.]

Founded by makers of fine cold Australian brew, VB, Meanjin has been published off and on more or less quarterly since 2009.  Since the issue was published around beer o’clock on Wednesday the reaction has been mainly positive.

“We think the reaction has been good,” said Meanjin Editor Sally Heath reached at a payphone at the Laundry Bar in Fitzroy.   “It’s hard to say really.  We don’t allow comments and integration with the Facebook and the Twitter is a bit bourgeoisie.  We’re working class.  I mean I wouldn’t be caught dead in Vaucluse, even to visit my parents.”

Sally enjoys a word with her sponsor

“Meanjin will almost certainly have a themecamp at the Burn this year,” enthused article author Simone Ubaldi.  “The theme ‘Wild West’ is a bit lame, but we’ll make due.  20,000 hippies aren’t going to mock me in your article are they?”

“20,000 hippies can go to hell,” screamed Burning Man founder Larry Harvey from a scratchy payphone near his winter dasha on the Black Sea.  “The Burn has felt a bit flat since, well, at least Green Man.  This article is just the ‘Melbourican Quicksilver’ we need to jump start the event back to life.”

Australian classic 'Young Einstein' was watched by dozens in 2011

Oolong Burners, a branch of the American Tea Party movement expressed concern for the growing Antipodean influence at the event north of Reno.

“The Kiwis were all over The Temple of Transition this year,”  said Oolong Spokesperson Tommy T-Baggin responding via e-mail. “You couldn’t get within 50 metres, I mean yards and if I did mean meters I’d spell it the American way…anyhoo… Ashram Galatica was positively smashed with Aussies.  If we don’t watch it Alice Springs will be the new Gerlach in no time.  Have you ever been to the Walmart in Alice Springs?  Me neither, but $10 says it’s terrible.”

Over the years Meanjin has achieved notoriety in it’s homeland for taking on various cultural taboos including:

  • Top 10 places to Purchase Heroin in Redfern
  • Gee Twenty – The Average Australian Vocabulary and John Howard
  • Essendon vs Collingwood – Why Victorian Sports Suck
  • Burning Beds – Cultural Hegemony and Midnight Oil
  • Flight of the Reactionaries  – The False Consciousness of Kiwi Humor

Nectar Village HQ, San Francisco (CN) – As the below news footage from Burning Man 2011 demonstrate Placement are always the hardest folks to deal with at the Event North of Reno.

For more information about Nectar Village and the mysterious Soup mentioned by Adolf check out:

Nectar Village Origins Part 1

It was great to meet so many Consumptives out at the event North of Reno.

A special shout out to all my peeps in Bumblepuss and NectarVillage – thanks for keeping it real.

This blog is not dead – updates, prizes, celebrity interviews and more will be appearing in October 2011 on this blog – stay tuned and beware!

Cheers,

Consumptionblog Management

Perfectly Cooked Bacon for the Masses

by Robin

It was stunning to me to realize that I had not shared my perfect bacon 
cooking method prior to 2010.  Apparently the breakfast shift I was on was the first time many Bumblers were the recipients of my 
perfectly cooked bacon.  T-Dazzle remembers it from our time together at HeeBees.  This is the method to getting all of your bacon 
cooked all at once perfectly.  You can have it as crispy or chewy as you 
want.  And this method cuts down on the little snatchers who like to sneak 
bacon before the entire meal is done!  BACK YOU RABID BUMBLERS!  YOU  MUST 
WAIT UNTIL THE EGGS ARE DONE!  Oh, whoops, the eggs exploded in the boiler. 
I guess I should share my recipe for strained eggs also.  See below!

Your Typical Bumbler Breakfast

BACON
In order to have all of the bacon done all at once, and perfectly for that 
matter, you must put all of the bacon in the pan at once.  Yes.  Pile it 
in!  5 pounds if you must!  As long as the pan is not overflowing, it will 
work just fine.  You just have to keep stirring.  KEEP STIRRING!  STIR THE 
BACON!  It may take 20 or 30 minutes, depending on how dark you like it, but 
trust me, when you pull all of it out at once and put it all out there for 
the hungry Bumblers, no one will complain.  Each piece will be cooked 
exactly like the next, and all the way through. It will all be warm!  No 
half-charred, half-raw pieces here.  Oh no.  This bacon is perfect.

These go well with Bacon

STRAINED EGGS
Hopefully we won’t have to use this method again!  If your egg bag explodes 
in the boiler, fear not.  Juicy eggs are just a strain away!  Simply get the 
colander and a friend to help you.  Discreetly bring the boiler of eggs and 
the colander to the gray water.  Whether its early in the week or later will 
determine how careful you need to be about people seeing you strain the 
eggs.  It might not matter as much later on in the week!  Anyway, one person 
holds the colander over the gray water container and the other person 
carefully pours the watery eggs into the colander.

Voila!

Strained eggs. 
Perfect for any occasion.

 

The following truth falls like pearls from the lips and gilded onyx keyboard of Clear, a man who has many roles in Bumblepuss – High Holiest Highest Priest of Goat Slapping being first and foremost – bringer of many vibrant people to Bumble – massage artist – DPW representative and soon he’ll be cracking your ribcage open and massaging your heart as he undertakes an online course in cardiac surgery.

Please retain this for the records:

The Alternate Unabridged Version of Our people, where Burning Man Originated 
and how to roast an apple without getting your feet burned.
The night was one of the full eclipsed moon circa 2539 BC when the idea 
first hit our historical godfather’s ancestor le Gizzle del Pete…who was a 
dope gangsta style version of your classic Roman emperor, and the chief of 
the nomadic goat herding tribe the ~Umbfus’ious of Nec’ar V”lleege.  It was 
an ancient people who’s history could go back farther, but to what end, for 
Gizzle was the dopest chief off that ever made history.
His father’s ancestor, it is said, was the guide to Moses.  It is saidith 
and so it is written that the great P-Gizzle was the first of know man to 
step foot on the desert and piss clear.  From here, people reared him as a 
savior.  How could any man in a desert be hydrated they wondered.  The 
Gizzle said, I am the savior and leader and one day I will bring great peace 
to this desert.  I will lead a revolution of sorts and invention of sorts 
that will be the basis that saves humanity, the basis that allows humanity 
to evolve to the next level, conquer other planets, to go where no goat has 
ever gone before.
P-Gizzle roamed the lands on a vision quest, but before he left, he taught 
his people to cook a reguvination apple:

  • 1 Apple
  • Honey
  • 
Spirulina & 
Maca (or earth blend)
  • 1 Black handled mini knife/toothpick
  • Core Apple
  • 
(leaving the bottom fully intact so as to act a cup for the honey)
  • Heat Apple
  • 
Poke holes into apple from core towards skin (do not puncture skin)
  • Pour in Spirulina and Maca and Honey
  • Let sit overnight 
Eat Naked next day 
Steam Bath Project 
Massage 
Sit in sun/kitchen with other Bumblers 
Feel reguvinated

As time would have it, the Gizzle had been gone for what seemed centuries. 
Later we find out he met up with a homey named Jebus in the wilderness and 
granted him three wishes….long story.  Nonetheless, Gizzle returned home 
and the people were joyous, but upset they had lost their leader for so 
long.  They found he had returned with a man named Jebus.  They blamed this 
man for his having had taken away their leader.  Lies, said Gizzle, but 
nobody listened.  They burned Jebus.  It was…

The First Burning Man.

Later that night….they realized their wrong doing and built a temple in 
his honor. 
Gizzle said, “We shall burn this temple too for our mistake hath written 
history wrong! And I shallf forever be known as Jebus the savior, for I will 
return to the towns as he, and all the lands will know not that which has 
been mistaken here.  And as I am gone you will make this spot your camp 
forever and ever and ever forever.”
They made camp upon the spot and raised an apple  each to their leader.
That very night the first goat was 
slapped as Jebus, the leader, left.  It was his famous last words in which 
we recall today, “From henthforth hitherto ye shall never again have a 
leader.  For ye all will lead when leading and lead not when not leading. 
You will be the last and only tribe upon this planet of which will know the 
ways of the way.  You shall be aware that you will go into history, isolated 
in this desert as the only leaderless group ever and forever ever forever. 
Ye shall know and remember, that to lead is the false way of phophets and to 
slap is the true belief in self, humanity and the way.”  (Word for word as 
recorded by Broseephious the Righter in the year of Broseephious 1298 DB as 
in During Broseephious, which we are not sure what correlation it has to any 
other calender as he did not record anything else and lived isolated with 
the rest of the tribe from the rest of the world thereafter the recorded 
history.
Years later archeologists believe they have found the remains of this first 
tribe with their only weapon, device or food preparation tool in the Black 
Rock Desert where it is believed they lived during those times of old.  It 
is also believed they fashioned thier tiny knives and picks with the bone of 
goat, which is long gone and the handle yet still remain, of rock.  Today 
you find this rock between itself and the soft place we call playa.
It’s believed the camp Bumblepuss of Nectar Village and their holy Godfather 
T-Dizzle fled the desert in 1980 PDB as in Post During Brospephious when 
word came that a new people were to colonize the land, and they had a leader 
named Larry.  The people of Bumble decided it was time to let the world come 
to them and they did.  They opened up to a new way, they acted as if they’d 
never been to the desert and let the newbies believe it was a “discovery!” 
They populated the desert with these new peoples as one of them.  They even 
opened their own camp to particiapte in the goings ons with them.
It’s said when someone comes around Bumblepuss and asks, “Who’s in charge?” 
The best answer is “I am.”  Cause they don’t want anyone to know they, we, 
who we really are.  And Jebus forbid, the Burners of today start coming to 
the Bumblepuss asking, how do we live a utopian society like you have?  How 
did you figure it out in just the few short years since we’ve all been 
coming to the desert?  How come our camp has leaders and assistants and 
people in charge of this and work hours and shifts, and still nothing gets 
done, and still there are fights and dramas?  How is it your people has not 
a single list or leader and all is done and not a drama is in the air?
The Bumblers are said to usually direct the questions to the Goat…
And so it is said, and so it is written.

What follows is  a timeline of the history and development of Bumblepuss and Nectarvillage through the hagiographic eyes of, well, me.

1898 – Leon Czolgosz attends the Burn held that year in Havana which ended in a crude representation of The Man named ‘USS Maine’ blown to smithereens.

Saturday Night

1901 – Having a particularly hard decompression after searching for bacon grease fried falafel for years without success Leon assassinates King McKinley at Akron Ohio’s one and only subway stop.  He is quickly convicted but before being hung by the neck until death gives birth to Soup and Marc through his armpit.  Soup and Marc are separated soon after birth.

Daddy Leon

1935 – Akron, OH – Soup and Marc find themselves mysteriously re-united in the town of their fathers downfall in a tuberculosis ward where they are given large amounts of laudanum  by one Doktor Random and in the wavvvvy symbiotic  ether-state realize their mutual origins.  They soon recover, write the first edition of this book published in 1939 titled ‘A Very Short History of Bumblepuss’ which is an odd mixture of recipes, tales of the occult, and reoccurring character named SteamGoat Billy. They then join the Army Rangers Psy-Trance Unit and spend the war torturing Germans with Dropkick Murphy covers and pre-electronic Progressive House re-mixes.

Torture

1950 – The first edition of ‘A Very Short History of Bumblepuss’ sells poorly but develops a cult following in America, Canada and other less important parts of the world.  The early Bumble devotees are so dedicated that an international meeting is held in Cleveland, OH and people actually show up. Bumblepuss and it’s adherents festers in leaps and starts like a slow growing skin disease on the nice to look at bits of the female body.  Many Bumblepussies as they are now known attend Burning Man which starts happening regularly every three or four years at spots around the globe.

1951-1976
Soup is nowhere to be found and gives wildly varying accounts of his movements in his 1996 autobiography ‘I’m on a Boat’, turns up in Perris, CA speaking French and looking like a bald, fat Marlin Brando with a Messiah complex; proceeds to start Weight Watchers.

Marc moves to Lowell, MA where he spends most of the 60s and early 70s watching repeats of The Wonder Years on BlueRay and wondering where those years are exactly.

Now on BlueRay!

The Sixties!
During these years in the wilderness for the two prestidigitatoresque Bumble founders Ilia and Allie take care of the day to day governance of Bumble Nation.  Traveling the United States in a magic yellow bus with a group of Bumblers and selling education books door to door made out of blotter paper they spawn 1000s of Love Children and future Bumblers in the lower 48 and the province of Alberta.

Bumblepuss First Art Car

1976 – Soup, Marc Allie & Ilia meet up at a Bob’s BigBoy in Burbank and decide over a Decadent Hot Fudge Cake and a side of Onion Rings the time is right to re-unite the Bumble diaspora in a mass ceremony to take place in Korea.  Several diners and two short order cooks The Buffer and Quayle overhear the conversation and go on to play leading roles in the development of Modern Bumblepuss as well as discovering solar power and radium.

Bumblepuss Reunites! Onion Rings!

1986 –  Soup meets Scott, an early HBGB Healer, at a ski convention in Aspen.  Scott shares tantric secrets with Soup.  Soup decides Scott doesn’t have enough ‘O’s but too many ‘T’s in his name and thus he becomes Scooter.  Both men witness Massimiliano Blardone conquer Beaver Creek and decide they are horrible skiers and soon leave the industry.  Nectar Village is formed.

1989 – Soup and Marc are put on trial for their part in attempting to turn the East German Stasi into an Amway distributorship – the Berlin Wall falls soon afterwards.

Next – Part Two – from Galvanized Corpses to Steambath and Epiphany’s First Date.

Where are you and your friends camping at Burning Man this year?

It’s so confusing and dusty out there.

Not Anymore.

With this awesome app.  you can enter in where you’ll be on the Playa and share the info with your friends.

Try It Out NOW-ish

As we head mercilessly toward BurningMan two OHHH double hockey sticks I recall washed over with nostalgia my top ten moments from the megalith that is NectarVilage and Bumblepuss –

Here are my top 10 moments – what are your top ten moments?

Top 10 Moment in 2010 from BurningMan

1. Running around Reno picking up last minute supplies
2. Loading the truck in Fernley
3. Getting onto the playa 5 days before the event started
4. The sandstorm during set up were we all stayed in the one structure we had set up and we all sat around doing K all day
5. SteamBath!
6. The Buffer!
7. The efficient and swift camp strike that left us in the Darkest of Green green on the MOOP Map
8. Grand Sierra Resort – seeing all you Bumblers clean and smiling for the first time in a week
9. Hijinks at the Fernley Storage Space – “Whoever set my car on Fire – I’m gonna get you next year!” Hilarious.
10. Decompression in San Francisco