Posts Tagged ‘NectarVillage’

Gerlach, NV, (CN Wire) Burning Man Bureau of Labor Statistics (BMBLS) has released a metrics and graphs intensive report on ‘Rites of Passage’. Normally no one would care but for several startling surprises that is rumored to have Burning Man Corp. rethinking its whole raison d’être.

Careful measurement of foot traffic throughout Black Rock City confirmed rumors this year that NectarVillage received more foot and bicycle traffic than Center Camp.

Matheus Klinnsman, Chief Burner Statistician for BMBLS stated on a UStream Press conference, “As the above simple parametric graph shows NectarVillage cleaned Center Camps clock.”

“My recommendation to Burning Man Corp. is to rename Center Camp because it’s clearly no longer the center of the Burn, NectarVillage is.”

NectarVillage 2011 was composed of HBGB Healers, Shamandome, SnowKoan Solar, Contact Camp, Steambath Project and the mysterious Bumblepuss.  NectarVillage was formed in the 19th Century after New York Tribune editor Horace Greeley stated “Go West Young Swedish Deep Tissue Masseuse, Go West,” or alternately after a group of Burners in a Bob’s Big Boy in Van Nuys, CA heard the new 1993 Pet Shop Boys single “Go West Young Rent Boy, Go West.”

Village Chief ‘Soup’ stated over 325 people camped with NectarVillage and were overwhelmed with traffic from every direction.  Responding to press inquires via his iphone Soup responded, “Have you been destroyed!  Welcome to NectarVillage Ma’am, have you been destroyed yet?”

A post-Burn DPW crew member ‘FireDust’ was asked for comment as she stumbled out of Bruno’s Country Club in Gerlach, NV.  “Jazz Club? Jazz Club!  $8 Coffee?!  Fuck Off.  NectarVillage has a Steambath.  Throw up one of those and we’ll talk.  Speaking of throwing up…Blaaaahhhhh…”

Burning Man Corp. was on holiday at their dacha outside Minsk and released a short response via e-mail stating, “If NectarVillage is really that popular perhaps we need to become a 501(c)3 non-profit.”

BMBLS has promised “thundering revelations of a statistical nature” later in the week.  Stay Tuned to Consumption News Wire

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It was great to meet so many Consumptives out at the event North of Reno.

A special shout out to all my peeps in Bumblepuss and NectarVillage – thanks for keeping it real.

This blog is not dead – updates, prizes, celebrity interviews and more will be appearing in October 2011 on this blog – stay tuned and beware!

Cheers,

Consumptionblog Management

What follows is  a timeline of the history and development of Bumblepuss and Nectarvillage through the hagiographic eyes of, well, me.

1898 – Leon Czolgosz attends the Burn held that year in Havana which ended in a crude representation of The Man named ‘USS Maine’ blown to smithereens.

Saturday Night

1901 – Having a particularly hard decompression after searching for bacon grease fried falafel for years without success Leon assassinates King McKinley at Akron Ohio’s one and only subway stop.  He is quickly convicted but before being hung by the neck until death gives birth to Soup and Marc through his armpit.  Soup and Marc are separated soon after birth.

Daddy Leon

1935 – Akron, OH – Soup and Marc find themselves mysteriously re-united in the town of their fathers downfall in a tuberculosis ward where they are given large amounts of laudanum  by one Doktor Random and in the wavvvvy symbiotic  ether-state realize their mutual origins.  They soon recover, write the first edition of this book published in 1939 titled ‘A Very Short History of Bumblepuss’ which is an odd mixture of recipes, tales of the occult, and reoccurring character named SteamGoat Billy. They then join the Army Rangers Psy-Trance Unit and spend the war torturing Germans with Dropkick Murphy covers and pre-electronic Progressive House re-mixes.

Torture

1950 – The first edition of ‘A Very Short History of Bumblepuss’ sells poorly but develops a cult following in America, Canada and other less important parts of the world.  The early Bumble devotees are so dedicated that an international meeting is held in Cleveland, OH and people actually show up. Bumblepuss and it’s adherents festers in leaps and starts like a slow growing skin disease on the nice to look at bits of the female body.  Many Bumblepussies as they are now known attend Burning Man which starts happening regularly every three or four years at spots around the globe.

1951-1976
Soup is nowhere to be found and gives wildly varying accounts of his movements in his 1996 autobiography ‘I’m on a Boat’, turns up in Perris, CA speaking French and looking like a bald, fat Marlin Brando with a Messiah complex; proceeds to start Weight Watchers.

Marc moves to Lowell, MA where he spends most of the 60s and early 70s watching repeats of The Wonder Years on BlueRay and wondering where those years are exactly.

Now on BlueRay!

The Sixties!
During these years in the wilderness for the two prestidigitatoresque Bumble founders Ilia and Allie take care of the day to day governance of Bumble Nation.  Traveling the United States in a magic yellow bus with a group of Bumblers and selling education books door to door made out of blotter paper they spawn 1000s of Love Children and future Bumblers in the lower 48 and the province of Alberta.

Bumblepuss First Art Car

1976 – Soup, Marc Allie & Ilia meet up at a Bob’s BigBoy in Burbank and decide over a Decadent Hot Fudge Cake and a side of Onion Rings the time is right to re-unite the Bumble diaspora in a mass ceremony to take place in Korea.  Several diners and two short order cooks The Buffer and Quayle overhear the conversation and go on to play leading roles in the development of Modern Bumblepuss as well as discovering solar power and radium.

Bumblepuss Reunites! Onion Rings!

1986 –  Soup meets Scott, an early HBGB Healer, at a ski convention in Aspen.  Scott shares tantric secrets with Soup.  Soup decides Scott doesn’t have enough ‘O’s but too many ‘T’s in his name and thus he becomes Scooter.  Both men witness Massimiliano Blardone conquer Beaver Creek and decide they are horrible skiers and soon leave the industry.  Nectar Village is formed.

1989 – Soup and Marc are put on trial for their part in attempting to turn the East German Stasi into an Amway distributorship – the Berlin Wall falls soon afterwards.

Next – Part Two – from Galvanized Corpses to Steambath and Epiphany’s First Date.

As we head mercilessly toward BurningMan two OHHH double hockey sticks I recall washed over with nostalgia my top ten moments from the megalith that is NectarVilage and Bumblepuss –

Here are my top 10 moments – what are your top ten moments?

Top 10 Moment in 2010 from BurningMan

1. Running around Reno picking up last minute supplies
2. Loading the truck in Fernley
3. Getting onto the playa 5 days before the event started
4. The sandstorm during set up were we all stayed in the one structure we had set up and we all sat around doing K all day
5. SteamBath!
6. The Buffer!
7. The efficient and swift camp strike that left us in the Darkest of Green green on the MOOP Map
8. Grand Sierra Resort – seeing all you Bumblers clean and smiling for the first time in a week
9. Hijinks at the Fernley Storage Space – “Whoever set my car on Fire – I’m gonna get you next year!” Hilarious.
10. Decompression in San Francisco