Archive for the ‘BurningMan’ Category

The threat of a mass outbreak of Dengue Fever on the playa was too severe to ignore.

Gerlach, NV (AP) – This morning the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) ordered the organizers of the annual Burning Man festival to spray the playa with malathion gas insecticide or face canceling the event.  The sun screen lovin’ dengue fever carrying critters that have invaded the playa without tickets were deemed too much of a threat to public health, the economic health of Silicon Valley and the comfort of Burners to let pass naturally.

Upon receiving the orders the event organizers have reluctantly rented two Cessna 188 “AGWagon” crop dusters and on Tuesday night will spray the playa with 760 liters each of malathion.

“Art” duster

“It was that, or cancel the event,” said an unnamed cubicle worker at the Burning Man HQ in Macao. “The threat of a mass outbreak of Dengue Fever on the playa was too severe to ignore.  Can you imagine all those angel investors and start up founders laid up for weeks with Dengue?  It would wreck havoc in Silicon Valley and thus the future of the planet Earth.”

Burning Man hinted at the crop spraying option last week on it’s blog when it said,
“We don’t know how long it will last. Cobra Commander said at the morning meeting that high temperatures will be with us again today, and the hope is that the heat and the dryness will knock down the bug population. “Because otherwise we’re gonna have to nuke the city” to get rid of them.”

Additional spraying during the event is a real possibility if the pestilential pestilence isn’t eliminated the first time.  No warning will be given so as not to achieve widespread panic.

Officials with the Nevada Bureau of Mines and Geology, the agency which governs the use of arial insecticide use in the Silver State said malathion was safe to spray on humans.  “We use it in the mines all the time to combat gold bugs and we’ve received no reports of ill effects on the miners and stuff.”

Burners who expressed concern about the health effects of being sprayed without warning with insecticide are being told to read the back of their ticket.

More News to Follow on this breaking story as we at Consumptionblog receive it.

Fine Print: Satire does not constitute medical or other advice.

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From the AP:

JERUSALEM (AP) — The Israeli Antiquities Authority says revelers at a Burning Man festival famous for its pyrotechnic spectacles have accidentally torched some remnants of prehistoric man.

Archaeologist Yoram Haimi says organizers of Midburn, an Israeli affiliate of the Nevada carnival, burned a wooden temple Saturday on a hilltop scattered with flint tools from the Paleolithic, Neolithic and Chalcolithic periods.

midburn

What will this inspire at the Nevada carnival this year?

What historical treasures would you like to Burn?

Gerlach, NV – (CN)

In line with one of the 10 Principles, Gifting, an authorized product from Burning Man has been given away for free this week.

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Burn

FREE!

FREE!

Written under the non de guerre ‘Sean Kemp’, the product  was a collaboration between the now obliterated “Burning Man Arts Foundation” and the “Vogon Foundation of Soviet Canuckistan”.

“I started creating this product back in 2004,” sighed “Sean”,  I finished the first product version in 2004 actually.  Since then I’ve been going back and forth with the Burning Man Sexy Censorship Board (BMSCB) and the Vogon Committee for Publishing until this year.  I’m never creating another product again.”

After initially selling for the Burning Man price of $9.99 its now being given away here, on Consumptionblog for free:

 

 “Don’t Panic”

 

The End

Dear Beloved Burners,

Grover Norquist is NOT an example of Radical Inclusion.

He is a privileged white guy with a beard and an MBA.

norquistBman

 

He’ll spend too much at the Walmart in Reno for a bunch of stuff he’ll never use.

He’ll get a bit dusty and see a bunch of awesome art.

He’ll get all pill’d up and dance for six hours at White Ocean one night.

He’ll yell and curse during Exodus on Monday.

He’ll fit right in.

Hat Tip to Burners.me:

Opulent Temple, nee White Ocean announced a massive trance and progressive line up for Burning Man 2014 – Cargo Trance.

After year of trance and progressive being pushed to the sidelines in favor of undance-alicious Dubstep and other nonsense, its back!

Check out this line up:

white-ocean-burning-man-2014-lineup

 

Juno Reactor blows.

However…

Hernan Catteneo/Nick Warren late night to dawn tag team set?  Yes Sir!

And that Wednesday night set looks pretty fantastic.

Thanks White Ocean!

Check out Cattaneo’s epic set from last year at the Burn:

 

Fernley, NV (CB) – In 2014 Consumptionblog will totally be your source for all news Burning Man.  Like CNN in 1991 Consumptionbloggers will be providing 24/7 live news coverage of all events leading up to Burning Man, 2014, ‘Bromance’.

The Burn of '91.  (It was a good Burn!)

The Burn of ’91. (It was a good Burn!)

Where will Daft Punk play this year?

What is the state of the playa?

Is there a crowdfunded seance summoning Paul Addis?

Burning Founder

Burning Founder

You won’t find this kind of news in the more traditional mainstream media like Harper’s Bazaar or Reddit.

What’s happening today, April 1st, 2014 you ask?  Well, not much – it’s about 47F in Gerlach.  Some e-mails were sent about the Port-a-Pottie contract.  Several Burners complained about waiting 19 minutes at the totally huge new Blue Bottle Coffee cafe in Temescal, Oakland.

But its going to get exciting.  We promise.

Little Nixon, NV – The newly minted not-for-profit Burning Man Organization of America in association with Black Rock Solar, Inc. just issued the following statement about fire poi at this years’ Burning Man Festival:

 

Starting at Burning Man 2014, ‘Commiserate’ we hereby declare all fire poi to be powered by solar or other approved alternative energy sources.   This may affect the time the Man is Burned (probably noon-ish this year).  The Department of Fire, Poi Division will be set up near the DMV this year where all poi instruments will be checked and licensed before being approved for use.  There will be 2 classes of Poi license, one for daytime use only and the other, for both day and night time use.  The number of licenses issued will be limited to 178.  All those found in violation of these rules will be forced to attend Ranger Training.

 

More information will be produced soon but the sun is going down and we need to conserve power on our solar free range organic laptops.

 

                                Soon to be rare Night Time Fire Poi at Burning Man?