Posts Tagged ‘Burning Man Preparations’

The threat of a mass outbreak of Dengue Fever on the playa was too severe to ignore.

Gerlach, NV (AP) – This morning the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) ordered the organizers of the annual Burning Man festival to spray the playa with malathion gas insecticide or face canceling the event.  The sun screen lovin’ dengue fever carrying critters that have invaded the playa without tickets were deemed too much of a threat to public health, the economic health of Silicon Valley and the comfort of Burners to let pass naturally.

Upon receiving the orders the event organizers have reluctantly rented two Cessna 188 “AGWagon” crop dusters and on Tuesday night will spray the playa with 760 liters each of malathion.

“Art” duster

“It was that, or cancel the event,” said an unnamed cubicle worker at the Burning Man HQ in Macao. “The threat of a mass outbreak of Dengue Fever on the playa was too severe to ignore.  Can you imagine all those angel investors and start up founders laid up for weeks with Dengue?  It would wreck havoc in Silicon Valley and thus the future of the planet Earth.”

Burning Man hinted at the crop spraying option last week on it’s blog when it said,
“We don’t know how long it will last. Cobra Commander said at the morning meeting that high temperatures will be with us again today, and the hope is that the heat and the dryness will knock down the bug population. “Because otherwise we’re gonna have to nuke the city” to get rid of them.”

Additional spraying during the event is a real possibility if the pestilential pestilence isn’t eliminated the first time.  No warning will be given so as not to achieve widespread panic.

Officials with the Nevada Bureau of Mines and Geology, the agency which governs the use of arial insecticide use in the Silver State said malathion was safe to spray on humans.  “We use it in the mines all the time to combat gold bugs and we’ve received no reports of ill effects on the miners and stuff.”

Burners who expressed concern about the health effects of being sprayed without warning with insecticide are being told to read the back of their ticket.

More News to Follow on this breaking story as we at Consumptionblog receive it.

Fine Print: Satire does not constitute medical or other advice.

mpp header

Hello Burners,

See below for an important message from the
Marijuana Policy Project about the evolving laws around cannabis in
Nevada and how you can prepare and participate.

The Man Burns real soon.

But cops are already hard at work aiming to burn Burners. They’re
on the hunt to bust participants caught with marijuana, saddling them
with a hefty $600 fine and a misdemeanor conviction.  A judge and
prosecutor are even relocated to the playa for the week to promptly
collect fines and process paperwork on site.

But we are improving the Nevada marijuana laws!  If you are a medical
marijuana patient, bring your patient ID card from your home state.
It should protect you from the Nevada state and local cops, due to a
new reciprocity law.  And this year, patients from any state can now
buy marijuana in Nevada dispensaries.  But since Black Rock City is
patrolled by federal rangers, who don’t follow state law, not even
patients are fully protected at the event.

We deserve better. It’s up to all of us to create a more civil
society where marijuana users aren’t targeted, harassed, and
treated like criminals.

At the Marijuana Policy Project, we’re committed to ending state and
federal marijuana prohibition. This change is possible, but
participation is key. We invite you to join us
<>. Please help us promote freedom and
liberty by giving a financial gift toward our efforts.

Together, we can end prohibition.

Thank you,

Rob Kampia
Executive Director
Marijuana Policy Project
Washington, D.C.

P.S. We’re also hard at work managing several ballot initiative
campaigns to tax and regulate marijuana in November 2016 in states like
Arizona, California, and Nevada. With each of these victories,
nationwide legal marijuana will be that much closer. (Please note that
donations to MPP will be used to support MPP generally; donations to MPP
cannot be earmarked for a ballot initiative. If you would like to
support a ballot initiative, please donate to that state’s
ballot campaign committee.)

Fernley, NV (CB) – In 2014 Consumptionblog will totally be your source for all news Burning Man.  Like CNN in 1991 Consumptionbloggers will be providing 24/7 live news coverage of all events leading up to Burning Man, 2014, ‘Bromance’.

The Burn of '91.  (It was a good Burn!)

The Burn of ’91. (It was a good Burn!)

Where will Daft Punk play this year?

What is the state of the playa?

Is there a crowdfunded seance summoning Paul Addis?

Burning Founder

Burning Founder

You won’t find this kind of news in the more traditional mainstream media like Harper’s Bazaar or Reddit.

What’s happening today, April 1st, 2014 you ask?  Well, not much – it’s about 47F in Gerlach.  Some e-mails were sent about the Port-a-Pottie contract.  Several Burners complained about waiting 19 minutes at the totally huge new Blue Bottle Coffee cafe in Temescal, Oakland.

But its going to get exciting.  We promise.

Gerlach, NV (CN)  –  Burning Man is rapidly approaching.  You have a ticket and an iffy ride from Eugene to Reno in a school bus.  The next two weekends will bring a flurry of packing, preparation, procrastination and trips to Walmart fraught with guilt and amazing deals.

In these tough economic times how can you get back some of the thousands of hard earned Euros you’ll spend on making your experience north of Reno as exciting and comfortable as possible?

No, don’t take that dusty, unused can of Corn Beef Hash back to Walmart.

Request that Burning Man refund the full price of your ticket after the event.

Burning Man Corp. was founded by people with names like Black Swan, Chicken John, Jonny Law, Paul Addis, and Danger Ranger.

Burning Man Co-Founder

Now do they sound like the type of people to not refund your money?

Yes, they are.

But like a billionaire paying her taxes there is a loophole you can exploit to ensure you get a full ticket refund.

An obscure statute under the jurisdiction of the Nevada Bureau of Mines and Geology allows anyone to receive a full refund of their ticket to Burning Man.

However Burners need to complete the following steps carefully.

Step by Step instructions for asking for your money back after attending Burning Man.

  1. Attend Burning Man.  Failure to attend will dramatically reduce your chances at a refund.
  1. Do whatever you do at Burning Man (just stay away from me).
  1. Make sure not everything goes Perfectly. Examples of a less than Perfect Burning Man are endless but some of the more common are as follows:

a)  Not hooking up with that hot blonde yoga instructor/long term art school student you flirted with Monday night next to that art and fire thingy.

b)  Forgot some critical piece of equipment your camp mates were counting on you to bring.

Examples: zip ties or that eight-ball of coke you snorted waiting in line at the Gate.


c)  Art Project gets finished Thursday afternoon instead of Monday.

d)  Got lost and cold one night after raving it up at Nexus.

e)  Exodus.

f)  4am Friday night port-a-potties.

Techno will do that.

g)  Losing your travel size toenail clipper.

“Its somewhere inside my camelback, or is it in my tent? Fuck!”

h)  Can’t find your friend.

“I have gone over to my best friends camp like six times and she hasn’t been there and her camp mates have been less than helpful – Fuck!”

4) Return from Burning Man.

5) Take a shower.

6) Take another shower.

Follow all those easy steps and you will be on your way to achieving a full refund for your Burning Man ticket.

After Burning Man come back to ConsumptionBlog for a  form letter you can fill out to aid you in your quest for justice, dubstep, and a full refund of your ticket.

You’re Welcome.