Posts Tagged ‘Walmart’

Gerlach, NV (CN)  –  Burning Man is rapidly approaching.  You have a ticket and an iffy ride from Eugene to Reno in a school bus.  The next two weekends will bring a flurry of packing, preparation, procrastination and trips to Walmart fraught with guilt and amazing deals.

In these tough economic times how can you get back some of the thousands of hard earned Euros you’ll spend on making your experience north of Reno as exciting and comfortable as possible?

No, don’t take that dusty, unused can of Corn Beef Hash back to Walmart.

Request that Burning Man refund the full price of your ticket after the event.

Burning Man Corp. was founded by people with names like Black Swan, Chicken John, Jonny Law, Paul Addis, and Danger Ranger.

Burning Man Co-Founder

Now do they sound like the type of people to not refund your money?

Yes, they are.

But like a billionaire paying her taxes there is a loophole you can exploit to ensure you get a full ticket refund.

An obscure statute under the jurisdiction of the Nevada Bureau of Mines and Geology allows anyone to receive a full refund of their ticket to Burning Man.

However Burners need to complete the following steps carefully.

Step by Step instructions for asking for your money back after attending Burning Man.

  1. Attend Burning Man.  Failure to attend will dramatically reduce your chances at a refund.
  1. Do whatever you do at Burning Man (just stay away from me).
  1. Make sure not everything goes Perfectly. Examples of a less than Perfect Burning Man are endless but some of the more common are as follows:

a)  Not hooking up with that hot blonde yoga instructor/long term art school student you flirted with Monday night next to that art and fire thingy.

b)  Forgot some critical piece of equipment your camp mates were counting on you to bring.

Examples: zip ties or that eight-ball of coke you snorted waiting in line at the Gate.


c)  Art Project gets finished Thursday afternoon instead of Monday.

d)  Got lost and cold one night after raving it up at Nexus.

e)  Exodus.

f)  4am Friday night port-a-potties.

Techno will do that.

g)  Losing your travel size toenail clipper.

“Its somewhere inside my camelback, or is it in my tent? Fuck!”

h)  Can’t find your friend.

“I have gone over to my best friends camp like six times and she hasn’t been there and her camp mates have been less than helpful – Fuck!”

4) Return from Burning Man.

5) Take a shower.

6) Take another shower.

Follow all those easy steps and you will be on your way to achieving a full refund for your Burning Man ticket.

After Burning Man come back to ConsumptionBlog for a  form letter you can fill out to aid you in your quest for justice, dubstep, and a full refund of your ticket.

You’re Welcome.