Archive for the ‘Satire’ Category

Official statement from Burning Man Corp. about the Covid-19 ‘Corona’ virus.

Tenderloin, SF March 9th 2020 (Global Playawire) – In recent days Burning Man HQ has been bombarded by questions, concerns and wild, unhinged demands concerning this years Burn and Covid19, playa name ‘Dusty Corona‘.  Frankly we’ve been appalled by most of your inquiries but nonetheless feel compelled to respond lest even worse rumors and fear mongering narratives get granted default legitimacy by our silence.

So listen and listen good.

Say ‘Yes’ to Corona

People actively hosting the Corona virus will be allowed into Burning Man this year so long as they are ticket holders and are not trying to smuggle weapons, fireworks, animals or face masks.  The 12 Principals are quiet clear about this:  RADICAL INCLUSION doesn’t just mean inviting your friends or allowing a Bloomberg voter to camp with you – it means actively welcoming carriers of a catastrophic global public health pandemic into the Steambath Project, on your art car, and yes, in your bacon.

If you can’t handle it there is always Coachella.

Safety will remain a distant 3rd.  After a behind closed door vote by the 32nd Council of Burning Man Elders (CBE), the 11th Principal – ‘Safety Third’ will remain 3rd and not be moved up to ‘Safety 2nd’ displacing Gorilla tape and zip ties.  In practice this means people with Corona virus will be admitted with a ticket (see above) and any face mask that looks like it might be effective will be confiscated at the gate.

Burning Man is an Experiment:  And like any good experiment it will be studied by people who are better than you.  Scientists will be seen on the playa in large numbers carrying out varied and sundry medical and scientific studies to better understand what happens when a deadly global virus experiencing hockey stick growth is embraced by an open, loving community like Burners.  A few notable examples will be MAPS conducting nightly tests on 1000 subjects at White Ocean of whether 2C-B is a potential vaccine for the Corona virus.  Foam Against the Machine will also be testing Dr. Bronners Magic Soap as a possible super fun and foamy topical vaccine.
You have already given your consent to on-demand blood, saliva and other specimen testing.  If you don’t believe us, read the back of your ticket and don’t be surprised when you are required to give a blood sample to some guy jumping out of a golf cart in a hazmat suit near the Temple at 2am yelling. “YOU’VE BEEN CHOSEN!  YOU’VE BEEN CHOSEN!
Corona virus and the 12 Principals; we believe
We believe that the Radical Inclusion of Corona virus carriers on the playa is a Gift untainted by Commodification.  We believe the Corona virus is fully Self Reliant and excited to fully Express itself at Burning Man this year.  We believe if there are any negative effects of Corona virus on the playa that our Communal Effort and sense of Civic Responsibility will allow us to leave for the Grand Sierra Resort with No Trace of Corona virus interrupting the Immediacy of jumping in the pool head first, Safety Third.
See you dusty Burners.  Please, for the love of Larry Harvey, no more questions.

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Free #Böhmermann

Posted: April 15, 2016 in 2016, News, Politics, Satire
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Falling when you’re young vs. falling when you’re old.

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During a long interview Paul Mason envisions a short life for himself.

Recounting the moment last January when the leftist Syriza party was elected to power in Greece, Paul Mason said, “I knew it would be the most important political crisis of my life.”

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Paul Mason Ponders His Quickly Approaching Death

Ronda Rousey Endorsed Bernard Sanders before her fight with Holly ‘H-Bomb’ Holms.

How’d that work out?

 

 

“I’m voting for Bernie Sanders, because he doesn’t take any corporate money.”

Sponsored by Bud Light, UFC, Draft Kings, Monster Energy Drink,  Unibet, Reebok etc.