Archive for the ‘News’ Category

It’s likely 100 million people will have voted before November 3rd and 150 million will vote in total. But we have to wait till Election night to see any results.

What are the top questions for Election Night as we watch actual results start to come in?

When will Donald Trump declare victory via Twitter or in a speech?

Prediction: Trump will declare victory by 10pm EST via twitter

At what point in the night will a major corporate media outlet declare that we are in the middle of a major Constitutional crisis over the transition of power and use the word ‘We can now report that there is a coup underway tonight in America’ – the media outlet has to be CNN, FOX, MSNBC, NYTimes, WaPo or similar major publication by a news presenter like Anderson Cooper or a journalist – not an explicit opinion writer or someone like Rachel Maddow. Has to be a statement, not a question.

Prediction: CNN and MSNBC news presenters will use the word Coup in a serious fashion as a statement of fact by midnight EST.

If there is an election night blowout and the Blue Wave is real how many times will we hear the phrase ‘Our four year national nightmare appears to be coming to an end’?

Prediction: More times than even Google Trends can keep up with. The Algo will be broken.

Will there be a major problem in Florida with counting the votes?

Prediction: No. Another state or states will pop-up and surprise us.

100,000 Covid19 infections or more on Election Day?

Prediction: Yes

How much cannabis will be consumed by Joe Rogan and guests on his election night special?

Prediction: Beaucoup!

Smoke’em if you got’em – it will be a very long night.

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Jpeg

berlin copy

Free #Böhmermann

Posted: April 15, 2016 in 2016, News, Politics, Satire
Tags: , ,

bohmermann

bowie vs elchapo

Falling when you’re young vs. falling when you’re old.

falling

Ronda Rousey Endorsed Bernard Sanders before her fight with Holly ‘H-Bomb’ Holms.

How’d that work out?

 

 

“I’m voting for Bernie Sanders, because he doesn’t take any corporate money.”

Sponsored by Bud Light, UFC, Draft Kings, Monster Energy Drink,  Unibet, Reebok etc.

The threat of a mass outbreak of Dengue Fever on the playa was too severe to ignore.

Gerlach, NV (AP) – This morning the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) ordered the organizers of the annual Burning Man festival to spray the playa with malathion gas insecticide or face canceling the event.  The sun screen lovin’ dengue fever carrying critters that have invaded the playa without tickets were deemed too much of a threat to public health, the economic health of Silicon Valley and the comfort of Burners to let pass naturally.

Upon receiving the orders the event organizers have reluctantly rented two Cessna 188 “AGWagon” crop dusters and on Tuesday night will spray the playa with 760 liters each of malathion.

“Art” duster

“It was that, or cancel the event,” said an unnamed cubicle worker at the Burning Man HQ in Macao. “The threat of a mass outbreak of Dengue Fever on the playa was too severe to ignore.  Can you imagine all those angel investors and start up founders laid up for weeks with Dengue?  It would wreck havoc in Silicon Valley and thus the future of the planet Earth.”

Burning Man hinted at the crop spraying option last week on it’s blog when it said,
“We don’t know how long it will last. Cobra Commander said at the morning meeting that high temperatures will be with us again today, and the hope is that the heat and the dryness will knock down the bug population. “Because otherwise we’re gonna have to nuke the city” to get rid of them.”

Additional spraying during the event is a real possibility if the pestilential pestilence isn’t eliminated the first time.  No warning will be given so as not to achieve widespread panic.

Officials with the Nevada Bureau of Mines and Geology, the agency which governs the use of arial insecticide use in the Silver State said malathion was safe to spray on humans.  “We use it in the mines all the time to combat gold bugs and we’ve received no reports of ill effects on the miners and stuff.”

Burners who expressed concern about the health effects of being sprayed without warning with insecticide are being told to read the back of their ticket.

More News to Follow on this breaking story as we at Consumptionblog receive it.

Fine Print: Satire does not constitute medical or other advice.

mpp header

Hello Burners,

See below for an important message from the
Marijuana Policy Project about the evolving laws around cannabis in
Nevada and how you can prepare and participate.

The Man Burns real soon.

But cops are already hard at work aiming to burn Burners. They’re
on the hunt to bust participants caught with marijuana, saddling them
with a hefty $600 fine and a misdemeanor conviction.  A judge and
prosecutor are even relocated to the playa for the week to promptly
collect fines and process paperwork on site.

But we are improving the Nevada marijuana laws!  If you are a medical
marijuana patient, bring your patient ID card from your home state.
It should protect you from the Nevada state and local cops, due to a
new reciprocity law.  And this year, patients from any state can now
buy marijuana in Nevada dispensaries.  But since Black Rock City is
patrolled by federal rangers, who don’t follow state law, not even
patients are fully protected at the event.

We deserve better. It’s up to all of us to create a more civil
society where marijuana users aren’t targeted, harassed, and
treated like criminals.

At the Marijuana Policy Project, we’re committed to ending state and
federal marijuana prohibition. This change is possible, but
participation is key. We invite you to join us
<https://www.mpp.org/subscribe/>. Please help us promote freedom and
liberty by giving a financial gift toward our efforts.

Together, we can end prohibition.

Thank you,

Rob Kampia
Executive Director
Marijuana Policy Project
Washington, D.C.

P.S. We’re also hard at work managing several ballot initiative
campaigns to tax and regulate marijuana in November 2016 in states like
Arizona, California, and Nevada. With each of these victories,
nationwide legal marijuana will be that much closer. (Please note that
donations to MPP will be used to support MPP generally; donations to MPP
cannot be earmarked for a ballot initiative. If you would like to
support a ballot initiative, please donate to that state’s
ballot campaign committee.)

From the AP:

JERUSALEM (AP) — The Israeli Antiquities Authority says revelers at a Burning Man festival famous for its pyrotechnic spectacles have accidentally torched some remnants of prehistoric man.

Archaeologist Yoram Haimi says organizers of Midburn, an Israeli affiliate of the Nevada carnival, burned a wooden temple Saturday on a hilltop scattered with flint tools from the Paleolithic, Neolithic and Chalcolithic periods.

midburn

What will this inspire at the Nevada carnival this year?

What historical treasures would you like to Burn?

Salman Rushdie says it better than anything I could write:

Religion, a medieval form of unreason, when combined with modern weaponry becomes a real threat to our freedoms. This religious totalitarianism has caused a deadly mutation in the heart of Islam and we see the tragic consequences in Paris today.

I stand with Charlie Hebdo, as we all must, to defend the art of satire, which has always been a force for liberty and against tyranny, dishonesty and stupidity.

‘Respect for religion’ has become a code phrase meaning ‘fear of religion’. Religions, like all other ideas, deserve criticism, satire, and, yes, our fearless disrespect.

#whateverthatmeans

#whateverthatmeans