Posts Tagged ‘Koch Brothers’

A new racist Anti-Obama Campaign has been launched by the Koch Brothers.  Via a sock puppet in Arizona named Chris ‘Get the government off my state’ Lotto a Facebook campaign urging paid employees of Koch Industries to stick anti-Obama Post It notes on gas pumps across America.

As millions of dollars of Koch Bro. $ has poured in the campaign has surged with thousands of Facebook fans and pictures of Post-It Notes accessorizing gas pumps from across America.

Proof of the Koch Brother involvement until this point has been scant.  Further proof of their involvement say anti-gas pump campaign spokesman and striker for La Liga de Alajuelense Jonathan McDonald.

“It’s not well known that Koch Industries owns Post-It Notes and the Koch Brothers are up to their necks in the oil business. This is a sticky, cynical ploy to increase Koch Industry profits,” panted McDonald as he played keep-y up-y with a soccer ball at the Estadio Alejandro Morera Soto. “The Koch Brothers didn’t make billions being stupid – the fact there is little evidence of their involvement in this so-called grassroots campaign only bolsters our case.”

“This is clearly a racist campaign on behalf of the Koch Brothers, Mr. Lotto and these other so-called ‘grassroots activists’ growled Mickey Hazard, former Tottenham Hotspur midfielder and current London Black Cab Driver.  “Have you ever tried to find black Post It Notes?  They don’t bloody exist.”

McDonald, Hazard and other left leaning opponents have teamed up to form ‘Kick Racism out of Gasoline’ campaign. The new group has enlisted two powerful enemies in its campaign against these gas pump post its: The Wind and Daddy Yankee Reggaeton Mega Hit ‘La Gasolina’.

Representatives of the Koch Brothers were not available for comment.

The Post-It Note Factory located in Burma where a rainforest used to be appeared not to have a phone.

Wa Wa Wa Washington, DC – Today in federal court the pressure group PETA (People for the Esoteric Treatment of Animals) sought an injunction against the BurningMan festival being held this year.  PETA cited rampant anthropocentrism and the events’ ban on animals as the reason for their actions.

“This event is completely biased in favor of humans,” proclaimed a press release from the fringe organization best known for marching on behalf of the right to privacy for Schrödinger’s cat.  “The three main tenets of BurningMan isn’t ‘Sex, Trance, Fire’ but ‘Man, Man, mainly white 25-45 year old Man’.”

The ‘Man is Really Awesome Corp.’, the name of the corporate monolith that runs the Nevada based loquacious arts festival issued a short statement in response to the suit.

“We don’t comment on issues currently in the court, especially ones issued by cat people, and certainly not before consulting The Man, man.”

At a press conference held at the DC Office of the controversial Veterinarians for America, a spokesperson for PETA, Persian McBeagle stated their demands for BurningMan in order for them to drop the suit:

1. BurningMan be renamed something less Anthropocentric such as ‘Mainly Water’ or ‘Carbon-based Life Form’

2. The Man at the center of the event be redesigned to incorporate animal features.  Perhaps a half man half goat all frat boy Satyr.

3. The ban on animals at the event be rescinded and as reparation for their past ban be given free entry without a ticket for at least five years.

“Just like humans animals deserve one week per year of not having to wear clothes, do 2C-B, and not buy stuff with money,” bayed McBeagle.

Burners sought for comment on Second Life were outraged.  Dusty Dalek commented what many approached in game had on their mind.  “[2011/03/12 15:36] If Animals are allowed into BurningMan guess who is gonna benefit man?  Veterinarians – that’s who man, and you know who owns Veterinarians? General Electric.  And you know who own General Electric?  The Koch Bothers and they haven’t been to the Burn since 1980.  Sellouts. Connect teh dots man.”

A federal judge is expected to rule on the injunction on three weeks.