Posts Tagged ‘beats antique’

Black Rock City – Stick a fork in their bloated Adidas visored corpse.  Ravers at Burning Man are done.  After many years of Raver dominance over the hippies at Burning Man, hippies may be sitting in the cultural throne for many years to come.

Your time is done.

For years hippies at Burning Man were relegated to second class citizens.  Their drum circles were drown out by blissful anthem trance and hypnotic progressive house; they were relegated to slouching around Human Carcass Wash and HeeBeeGeeBee Healers.  In a sign of how fast things change, it was only 2011 when hippies took over the mantle of dominant subculture at Burning Man.

The soon to be ineffectual World Hippie Council released a short, celebratory statement to the media:

 “This year us hippies demonstrated that the future is a moccasin stomping on a rolling ravers face – forever.  No judgement.”

That’s right – we’re number one!

At a meeting to sign a formal treaty of surrender in the parking lot of a Beats Antique show in Omaha, Raver kingpin Syd Gris announced long time raver palace ‘Opulent Temple’ was closing up shop. “Ravers are no longer ‘Children of the Night’, said Syd in the post surrender ceremony press conference.  “Most ravers are now  parents who occasionally do a bump of blow in some suburban breakfast nook listening to a scratchy Goldie album in jittery nostalgia between over anxious texts with the babysitter.”

“All that Calvin Klein and shitty pressed pills finally caught up with us.” – Josh Wink

Double Stacked!

Analysts say Hippies had several demographic, economic and cultural trends going for them.  The 2012 apocalypse popularity was always going to favor the hippies.  And once hippies accepted bass music and dubstep into their ouvre the ravers days were numbered.

“The coveted 18-25 demographic swung almost over night to the Hippies once Bassnectar got hot.” – Gallup Research

Longtime Hippie Burner Dusty Lentil said on his tumblr blog ‘Boulder is Awesome, Man’: “Ravers and their googley eyes can talk about PLUR all they want but ravers = conspicuous consumption capitalists – that worked great in the boom years. Thankfully for us the economy collapsed.  Ever since 2007 it got a lot easier to get a girl into bed talking shit about ‘the man’ around a campfire beating on a drum, rolling a cigarette.”

Some Ravers hold out hope of a revival a few years down the road.  Found on one electronic dance music forum an anonymous poster said, “Ravers will be back at Burning Man.  Morning trance will never be defeated.  At least we still have Ricardo Villalobos and Kompakt – thank fuck for Germany.”

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Tender Burn, San Francisco, CA (CN) — A battle that spans the centuries appears to have taken a turn for the Hippie.  For as long as people can remember and then a little bit longer Hippies and Ravers have battled for subculture supremacy.  At the Burn of ’69 Wendy Carlos groupies and fans of Strawberry Alarm Clock  squared off in a violent melee and Burning Man has remained the epicenter of the Hippie vs Raver battle ever since.

Burning Man Bureau of Labor Statistics (BMBLS) released a report on Wednesday showing that Hippies have now gained the upper hand at the event North of Reno.

Numbers Don't Lie, Man

Ravers have always done acid, present company certainly not excepted,” said Bryan Stefarios, Executive Director of the Pro-Raver advocacy group DanceSafe.  “The troubling aspect for ravers is the growth of the drum circles and Beats Antique.  You can’t Rave to Beats Antique.”

Nearing the End of Raver Dominance

Professor of Techno and Raves at Detroit University, Jeff Mills predicted the flagging fortunes of Ravers in his 2008 book, ‘Raving Alone’.

“For years Ravers have held the upper hand at Burning Man – blasting Hippies into aural obscurity with 120 decibels of 150 bpm bass.  As the bpms have come down with the English Dubstep Invasion drum circles started to grow again.  Throw in Daniel Pinchbeck’s quixotic popularity, the four fold growth in Peruvian Ayahuasca Tourism, a severe decline in good Anthem Trance and Progressive House and Hippie Supremacy soon becomes inevitable. Sigh.”

Long time Hippie Burner ‘Dusty Lentil’ who was once co-consensus leader of a short lived association of Hippie Burners was reached for comment from his penthouse in the Upper West Side of NYC.  “I don’t know, I just love hanging out with my friends, listening to some Sector 9, lentils, my air conditioned teepee and ummm…yeah.”