Posts Tagged ‘Opulent Temple’

Hat Tip to

Opulent Temple, nee White Ocean announced a massive trance and progressive line up for Burning Man 2014 – Cargo Trance.

After year of trance and progressive being pushed to the sidelines in favor of undance-alicious Dubstep and other nonsense, its back!

Check out this line up:



Juno Reactor blows.


Hernan Catteneo/Nick Warren late night to dawn tag team set?  Yes Sir!

And that Wednesday night set looks pretty fantastic.

Thanks White Ocean!

Check out Cattaneo’s epic set from last year at the Burn:


Black Rock City – Stick a fork in their bloated Adidas visored corpse.  Ravers at Burning Man are done.  After many years of Raver dominance over the hippies at Burning Man, hippies may be sitting in the cultural throne for many years to come.

Your time is done.

For years hippies at Burning Man were relegated to second class citizens.  Their drum circles were drown out by blissful anthem trance and hypnotic progressive house; they were relegated to slouching around Human Carcass Wash and HeeBeeGeeBee Healers.  In a sign of how fast things change, it was only 2011 when hippies took over the mantle of dominant subculture at Burning Man.

The soon to be ineffectual World Hippie Council released a short, celebratory statement to the media:

 “This year us hippies demonstrated that the future is a moccasin stomping on a rolling ravers face – forever.  No judgement.”

That’s right – we’re number one!

At a meeting to sign a formal treaty of surrender in the parking lot of a Beats Antique show in Omaha, Raver kingpin Syd Gris announced long time raver palace ‘Opulent Temple’ was closing up shop. “Ravers are no longer ‘Children of the Night’, said Syd in the post surrender ceremony press conference.  “Most ravers are now  parents who occasionally do a bump of blow in some suburban breakfast nook listening to a scratchy Goldie album in jittery nostalgia between over anxious texts with the babysitter.”

“All that Calvin Klein and shitty pressed pills finally caught up with us.” – Josh Wink

Double Stacked!

Analysts say Hippies had several demographic, economic and cultural trends going for them.  The 2012 apocalypse popularity was always going to favor the hippies.  And once hippies accepted bass music and dubstep into their ouvre the ravers days were numbered.

“The coveted 18-25 demographic swung almost over night to the Hippies once Bassnectar got hot.” – Gallup Research

Longtime Hippie Burner Dusty Lentil said on his tumblr blog ‘Boulder is Awesome, Man’: “Ravers and their googley eyes can talk about PLUR all they want but ravers = conspicuous consumption capitalists – that worked great in the boom years. Thankfully for us the economy collapsed.  Ever since 2007 it got a lot easier to get a girl into bed talking shit about ‘the man’ around a campfire beating on a drum, rolling a cigarette.”

Some Ravers hold out hope of a revival a few years down the road.  Found on one electronic dance music forum an anonymous poster said, “Ravers will be back at Burning Man.  Morning trance will never be defeated.  At least we still have Ricardo Villalobos and Kompakt – thank fuck for Germany.”

Black Rock City –

I met this very same fire at a Burn Barrel on a chilly night near Opulent Temple in 2006 – I’m glad to see he is still burning strong…

Gerlach, NV (CN) – The Event North of Reno has been designated a Zombie Safe Zone in a map commissioned by the US Congress.  An interactive map released Monday displaying possible danger zones and resources for the coming Zombie Apocalypse lists the site of the Burning Man arts festival as a safe zone.

We believe the desert could accommodate 100,000,” said Burning Man spokesperson Maid Marian.  “Doesn’t matter whether its for Flaming Lotus Girls art and frozen pickle dildos or fleeing for your life from the walking dead.  Folks will arrive at the gate looking about the same; full of energy and eager to get in.”

Burner vs. Zombie

An anonymous Prepper and Survivalist expert associated with  thought the designation as a Zombie Safe Zone was dubious.  “Burners do a lot of TEOTWAWKI prep work great; food and dubstep for instance.  But they will have to reconsider not letting firearms in.”

Burning Man Gate, Perimeter, and Exodus Coordinator ‘Randi Fence’ was asked if Burning Man could repel a zombie horde.

“They don’t have a ticket they don’t get in.  Zombie or no zombie, its that simple.”

The Map of the Dead was commissioned by the America is Ready for the Zombie Apocalypse Act (ARZAA) passed by Congress in 2009.  Start up company Doejo known more for their martial arts acumen than their cartography skills were awarded the no bid contract to create the map.  “I’m not sure if Burning Man is safe,” said Doejo founder Dusty Merc. “But Burning Man handed us a couple hundred tickets before the lottery so we figured the least we could do is list them as ‘safe’.”

Zombies have been seen at Burning Man before but in small numbers near Opulent Temple around dawn.  They were easily dispatched.

If you lost some keys, glasses, or a camera at the event North of Reno click here to see if it’s been found

If you lost your mind, please do consider if you actually want it back.

Fabulous and Lost

And even if you didn’t lose your camera or glasses this year – don’t you just love all these fabulous Burners?

BTW – I’m still looking for my lost CamelBak from the Burn of 2009 which contained the following items:

  • Mini travel toe-nail clipper
  • 6 gel caps 2C-D
  • 1 bottle of Provigil ®
  • 1 tupperware of  Moroccan Cous Cous
  • Baby Wipes / 1/2 roll toliet paper
  • Hot Blonde Yoga Instructor E-mail address  on small piece of cardboard (she was from SF and wearing these cute white and green fuzzy boots; you know who I mean)
  • 2 packets EmergenC
  • 1.3 litres of water

2009 - It was a good Burn!

I think I lost it Friday night at the Port-A-Potties near 6:30 and D.

I am most interested in the yoga instructor’s e-mail address and the 2C-D.

If you have recovered the items in questions, please contact me – no questions will be asked.  I believe later that same night I lost my sense of right and wrong to say nothing of up and down in a dome near Opulent Temple.

What have you lost at Burning Man over the years you’ll never recover but really wish you could?

Not Playing at Your Burn, Your Burn

Paris, FR (CN) – Fabulously famous French electronic duo Daft Punk have cancelled their planned performance at Burning Man.  The duo, comprised of Guy Monte Cristo and Tommy Bangin’ Bass said in their press release:

“We’ve gone to three or four Burns just to hang out, slurp wine in a box, go to the Steambath Project, hang around Center Camp, but we’ve never performed.  This year was going to be different.  We had a surprise set all lined up at Opulent Temple for Friday night.  But we couldn’t get tickets and the new security measures! Forget about it.  Taser guns?!  No No No.  We will play Circus Circus in Reno on Wednesday with Shpongle and Beats Antique instead.  They pay better even though the rooms are so-so.”

Burning Man Corp. responded immediately stating, “That’s too bad but Burning Man is for amateurs.  We found this douche from Schenectady that’s going to train wreck Daft Punk’s 2006 Coachella set at 7:38 & G on Monday once he’s done enough K.  Go and enjoy that instead.”