#OccupyWallStreet Demonstrates US Still #1

Posted: October 15, 2011 in News, Politics, Satire
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Wall Street, NY (CN) – Weeks after Americans started the #OccupyWallStreet and the ‘We are the 99%’ Protests the rest of the world is finally getting off its fat, bariatric ass and get out onto the streets.

Better late than never.

As a story in the London daily broadsheet The Guardian notes its’ taken weeks (as usual) for the worlds’ would be protestors to catch up with the United States.

US leads the Way

“Surely, no government can be expected to foster its own subversion, but in a democracy such a right is vested in the people.  Naturally the US is leading the way in this regard.” said dead Frankfurter and noted non-American Herbert Marcuse from an undisclosed shallow grave.

Addressing a crowd of protestors on Wall Street who are all in the top 10% of global annual income and living standards Naomi Klein yelled,

“It’s great to see Americans out protesting, setting up tent cities and sending a message not only to the grotesque economic elite in Manhattan but giving a gentle Solidarity push to other peoples of the world that they can protest their government and financial institutions as well.  I think in a couple weeks, guided by the example set by America, you’ll see the people in the Middle East telling their governments they want change.  I love you.”

Protestor and NYC resident (Greenpoint) Ben Lomen talked to Consumptionblog reporter on the scene Marc about the laziness of the rest of the world.

“I been wondering when the rest of the world would come around,” said Ben as he rolled a cigarette.  “I mean I been camped out here for three weeks making sacrifices.  Eating vegan sweet potato latkes, doing Anasara Yoga instead of Ashtanga because that’s the only instructor here, sleeping on the ground in a three season REI sleeping bag I borrowed from a friend, holding signs, uploading videos of my fellow protestors to youtube.  You know, changing the world and stuff.  No judgement; but where the fuck have the Greeks been or the Spanish for that matter?  ¡¿Que Pasa?!”

A protestor women in her 20s from Sarah Lawrence College interrupted at this point.

“Well man the Greeks haven’t been totally silent. There is the Greek Protest Dog ‘Kanellos’.  The Anarchists have taught him how to bark The International in Greek and  whenever he sees a police officer or a banker, you gotta check it out.”

“Ohh cool I will, mos def.”

*woof* So comrades, come rally And the last fight let us face..." *woof*

People in cities throughout the world are expected to copy US protests, however poorly, this coming weekend.  Stay tuned to Consumptionblog Newswire for coverage as it happens.

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