CONSUMPTION BLOG

Ahoy Burners!

Sometimes the Playa Conditions Report writes itself – I had  a hurricane in mind when imagining the conditions that will greet Burners on the playa this year.  Does this make me Playa Nostradamus?  Probably.  But as you’ll see, I wasn’t the only one who predicted a hurricane in the forecast for TTITD 2023.  

The aftermath of the hurricane will be one huge salt lake, giving Burning Man a nautical aspect for the first time in many decades.  Are you prepared?

My advice: Leave your bikes at home 

Have you ever rode a bike through a desert in a hurricane?  Me neither.  Because you can’t.  The wind and rain will blow you and your useless bike over into a thick morass of playa mud from which you may never escape like a volcanic explosion at Pompeii.

In celebration of the newly arrived oceanic nature of the Burn I will be uploading a nautical based acid house mix shortly for Acid Monday – stay tuned for the link.

Nautical facts about Burning Man you probably didn’t know:

Old Grimey, the amazing Art Car for NectarVillage was Dreamed up, Designed and Built by the totally awesome Chris Crazy Fart Box. In its original form before it came to the playa it was a small boat Chris salvaged from the SF Harbor and brought to his bonded warehouse near the docks.  That’s why the driver of Grimey always has to wear a Captain’s hat at all times. The hardest part of building Grimey was putting wheels on it and a car engine.  But it is still seaworthy and in past Burns, right at dawn, it demonstrated its magical ability to float above the playa.  If things get really out of hand with the Burner Hurricane of 2023, Old Grimey will be a great art boat to be aboard. 

Something or rather someone at camp should also give you hope:  Vice-Admiral Soup.  Soup attended the Naval Academy in Annapolis and is a master sailor who eats hurricanes for breakfast.  He practically lives on the water in the salty port town of Sausalito.  Have you been to the grotto in his house?  It’s amazing.  He sails everyday to SF for his job in the HMS Salty Soup.  It’s little wonder he is in charge of navigating the event this year for the BMORG Corp.

It’s also noteworthy that the Temple this year is based on the myth of Noah’s Ark and if you look on a map of the playa it has no fixed address this year.

Like any good Burner, I have no idea what the theme of this years Burn is and with the exception of 2007 can’t remember any theme but when I saw a mock up of the Man this year it certainly raised an eyebrow or three with me:

The Man 2023 [pictured above] currently being built on the playa by Fire Boy and a dedicated crew of metalsmiths and undersea welders.

Finally I think most veteran Burners will agree with me on the following: Of my top 10 experiences ever at the Burn, I was wet for seven of them.  So enjoy the hurricane Burners and don’t forget your flippers.

Bumble!

Marc Bumble