CONSUMPTION BLOG

The threat of a mass outbreak of Dengue Fever on the playa was too severe to ignore.

Gerlach, NV (AP) – This morning the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) ordered the organizers of the annual Burning Man festival to spray the playa with malathion gas insecticide or face canceling the event.  The sun screen lovin’ dengue fever carrying critters that have invaded the playa without tickets were deemed too much of a threat to public health, the economic health of Silicon Valley and the comfort of Burners to let pass naturally.

Upon receiving the orders the event organizers have reluctantly rented two Cessna 188 “AGWagon” crop dusters and on Tuesday night will spray the playa with 760 liters each of malathion.

“Art” duster

“It was that, or cancel the event,” said an unnamed cubicle worker at the Burning Man HQ in Macao. “The threat of a mass outbreak of Dengue Fever on the playa was too severe to ignore.  Can you imagine all those angel investors and start up founders laid up for weeks with Dengue?  It would wreck havoc in Silicon Valley and thus the future of the planet Earth.”

Burning Man hinted at the crop spraying option last week on it’s blog when it said,

“We don’t know how long it will last. Cobra Commander said at the morning meeting that high temperatures will be with us again today, and the hope is that the heat and the dryness will knock down the bug population. “Because otherwise we’re gonna have to nuke the city” to get rid of them.”

Additional spraying during the event is a real possibility if the pestilential pestilence isn’t eliminated the first time.  No warning will be given so as not to achieve widespread panic.

Officials with the Nevada Bureau of Mines and Geology, the agency which governs the use of arial insecticide use in the Silver State said malathion was safe to spray on humans.  “We use it in the mines all the time to combat gold bugs and we’ve received no reports of ill effects on the miners and stuff.”

Burners who expressed concern about the health effects of being sprayed without warning with insecticide are being told to read the back of their ticket.

More News to Follow on this breaking story as we at Consumptionblog receive it.

Fine Print: Satire does not constitute medical or other advice.