CONSUMPTION BLOG

Dear Burning Man,

I just returned from attending the Burning Man Festival of 2024.  My experience was an enthusiastic ‘meh‘ on most levels, or as the Ukrainians might say, “It was fine.”  In accordance with the policies spelled out on the back of my ticket I’d like to request a refund for the face value of $585 US dollars, instructions below.  No need to refund the service fees, taxes or other extras.  

This was my 16th Burn and I’ve requested 10 refunds, so far to no avail and no response from Burning Man’s vaunted customer service call and letter center in Fresno.  Let me tell you what you did wrong in a few simple examples illustrating thousands of other profound flaws at the event.

Pequeña 

I personally felt unsafe and attacked by the ‘Pequeña’ art piece whenever I was within 4 inches of it.  That’s not right!  I know art is supposed to challenge but such a blunt high potassium instrument was just too much to bear.  

Traffic Cone – Did not divert traffic of any kind in any way.  In fact it attracted traffic.   When I tried to sideswipe the cone to knock it over with my Art Car, per tradition, it ended in failure.  

The traffic cone was not authentic; made not of rubber but wood.  It smelled like wood when it burnt rather than rubber and that is an opportunity lost.  If you’ve ever been backpacking around Southeast Asia, the sight and smell of a tire fire burning for the whole 3 months you are exploring the area is a unique experience that we were denied. 

Dust Puddles – “…and the dusty malady lingers on…” for years Burning Man has had the technology to make dust puddles on the playa a thing of the past.   We’ve supposedly put men on the moon but can’t solve dust puddles, My GOD!  

Dust puddles, especially deep playa in the middle of the night, are a menace to all Burners attending the event and art car drivers in particular complain endlessly. And for good reason, it can ruin your Burn!  (it certainly did mine) The only half hearted attempt to address it was the ‘Dust Vacuum’ art piece in 2009 that received a grant from the org and failed to collect any dust after catastrophic failure early in the event. 

“We weren’t even in Barstow and the drugs hadn’t kicked in yet…”

Short Man Burn – Tell me, is The Man getting older and needs to be a pile of ashes before 10:30pm or he gets grumpy?  Did the new season of Matlock start and The Man needed to see episode 2? WTF!?  The Burn came in well under an hour.  We weren’t even in Barstow and the drugs hadn’t kicked in yet goddammit.  This was a speedy record that nobody wanted. (see the chart below.)  I can only suspect that the Burning Man betting app that allowed people to live bet on how long the Man would stand was manipulated by DPW for their own personal enrichment/ending their non-voluntary #vanlife.  Tell me just what exactly I was supposed to do on Burn Night after the Man fell before 10pm? Go home and read a book by fire!!?

Burn Year	Theme	Length of Burn until Man fell
2007	Green Man	4 days 23 hours
2008	Great American Financial Crisis	4 years 3 days 2 hours
2009	Biblical Creationism	130,000 years
2010	Secret Life of Cities a Netflix documentary series	Six 30 minute episodes
2011	Rites of Passage	The longest bar mitzvah you’ve ever attended
2012	Fertility	9 months
2013	Kargo Kult	No sleep till Brooklyn
You get the idea
2024	Bi-Curious	47 minutes – WTF!

I could go on but you can clearly see my complaints are real and valid.  I hope you can use this information to better improve the event for attendees in the Burn’s final year of 2025.

A full refund in cash money in any of the major currencies is acceptable – please remit to: