También La lluvia – Privatized Water is What You Get Voting for Evo Morales. Gael Garcia Bernal is Hot.
Three Second Movie Review – También La Lluvia
Posted: March 22, 2011 in ReviewsTags: Bolivia, Christopher Columbus, Gael Garcia Bernal, Movie, Water
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PETA files suit against BurningMan
Posted: March 20, 2011 in BurningMan, News, SillyTags: Aminals, Anthropocentrism, BurningMan, Federal Injunction, General Electric, Koch Brothers, PETA, Schrodinger's Cat
Wa Wa Wa Washington, DC – Today in federal court the pressure group PETA (People for the Esoteric Treatment of Animals) sought an injunction against the BurningMan festival being held this year. PETA cited rampant anthropocentrism and the events’ ban on animals as the reason for their actions.
“This event is completely biased in favor of humans,” proclaimed a press release from the fringe organization best known for marching on behalf of the right to privacy for Schrödinger’s cat. “The three main tenets of BurningMan isn’t ‘Sex, Trance, Fire’ but ‘Man, Man, mainly white 25-45 year old Man’.”
The ‘Man is Really Awesome Corp.’, the name of the corporate monolith that runs the Nevada based loquacious arts festival issued a short statement in response to the suit.
“We don’t comment on issues currently in the court, especially ones issued by cat people, and certainly not before consulting The Man, man.”
At a press conference held at the DC Office of the controversial Veterinarians for America, a spokesperson for PETA, Persian McBeagle stated their demands for BurningMan in order for them to drop the suit:
1. BurningMan be renamed something less Anthropocentric such as ‘Mainly Water’ or ‘Carbon-based Life Form’
2. The Man at the center of the event be redesigned to incorporate animal features. Perhaps a half man half goat all frat boy Satyr.
3. The ban on animals at the event be rescinded and as reparation for their past ban be given free entry without a ticket for at least five years.
“Just like humans animals deserve one week per year of not having to wear clothes, do 2C-B, and not buy stuff with money,” bayed McBeagle.
Burners sought for comment on Second Life were outraged. Dusty Dalek commented what many approached in game had on their mind. “[2011/03/12 15:36] If Animals are allowed into BurningMan guess who is gonna benefit man? Veterinarians – that’s who man, and you know who owns Veterinarians? General Electric. And you know who own General Electric? The Koch Bothers and they haven’t been to the Burn since 1980. Sellouts. Connect teh dots man.”
A federal judge is expected to rule on the injunction on three weeks.
Banksy Talks to Press After the Oscars
Posted: February 28, 2011 in History, NewsTags: Banksy, Oscars
Banksy Estatic After Oscar Coup 2011
Google to buy Space Shuttle Discovery after 39th flight
Posted: February 25, 2011 in History, News, SillyTags: golden retriever, google, spaceshuttle, weekend
After its 39th and final flight into near earth orbit the US owned Space Shuttle Discovery to be put to use as weekend getaway vehicle for Google executives.
“Gas Prices are a bit high right now but talk about a chick magnet,” said an unnamed Google Senior Vice President. “Once we get it up and running I’m selling my Golden Retriever on craigslist.”
Google Execs Look for Babes in North Florida During Spring Break in Shuttle Test Drive.
Google Execs Look for Babes in North Florida During Spring Break in Shuttle Test Drive.
Tea Party Ask “Is Burning Man Foreign Born?”
Posted: February 17, 2011 in BurningMan, HistoryTags: BurningMan, Liquid Coal, Mazzy Star, Old Chruch Slavonic, Oolong, Satire, Teaparty, Transnistria, TV Dinner
BurningMan 2011 News Now
Gerlach, NV – Tea Party Comrades have started organizing in earnest for this years 2011 BurningMan festival. On sites like Townhall, Red State, and Free Republic Tea Party Burners are planning a large theme camp named “Oolong It Don’t Take a Village”. Lead organizer Tommy T-Baggin’ said they expect over 300 Oolong’ers this year.
On the message boards of the nascent Burning Teabagger’s websites a push is gaining momentum to out ‘The Man’ as being foreign born and thus is ineligible to be burnt, exploded, and otherwise destroyed on Bureau of Land Management terra firma under an obscure law championed by 19th Century Kentucky Senator and neo-trade unionist Tuckerite Cassius Clay. If successful the Oolongs would achieve a major coup. The Man has only not been burnt once right after the Bonfire of the Vanities consumed all Burnable Goods in Italy shortly before the infamous Florentine Burn of 1497 where Machiavelli was eaten alive Burn Night as the best possible alternative.
One Oolong Burner ‘Dusty Earl’ reached by Skype was asked why they would want to stop the Man from being Burnt after all these milennia of decadent immolation and Trance music. “Burning Man has been run by a small cabal of goths and hippies.” Said Dusty, “with a foreign born 5th Steel column being right at the center literally and figuratively.”
“These Jacobians claim to be for the future, they claim to be in favor of the towns in the surrounding area – if that’s the case then why is Empire being shut down?” frothed the Earl. “Why will I have to get my Campbells’ Chunky Beef Soup in Reno? Why will I have to find a way to keep my Boca Burgers frozen all the way from Fernley? Do you know how fucking hot it is on the playa?! Why Why Why!!!” he wailed as his scratchy internet Skype call slowly faded like Mazzy Star’s mid-1990s success.
Tea Party Oolongers’ first arrived at BurningMan in 2010 and were immediately boosted by the successful outing of Larry Harvey as having been born in Transnistria or the Pridnestrovian Moldavian Republic for those lacking the gift of brevity rather than Terre Haute, Indiana as Harvey claimed when he ran for the first and only time to become Supreme Overlord of BurningMan in a supremely undemocratic election during an orgy/Alsatian cabinet making session on Baker Beach in 1962. Harvey has since retired and is rumored to live in a dacha on the Black Sea where he runs a human trafficking syndicate and participates in an Old Church Slavonic mens Choir every Saturday Night.
Chief Oolong pre-Playa organizer Dusty Duke said Ooloong It Don’t Take a Village will be run on liquid coal airlifted in daily on a C-130 from West Virginia. The main community event of Oolong will be the dumping of several tons of processed frozen TV Dinners on the playa at Noon Thursday in a historic re-enactment of the Revolutionary Era Tea Party Protest. A spokesperson for the Earth Guardians talking to this reporter on condition of animosity said they plan a counter protest of the event dressed up as Redcoats delivering musket fire involving re-used organic wild harvested lead in the general direction of the Oolongers.
Early Zionist Settlement in Lemitar, NM
Posted: February 17, 2011 in History, SillyTags: Hertzl, Lemitar, Lord Chamberlain, Marcus Garvey, New Mexico, Settlers, Uganda, Zion
Israeli re-location news now –
Following the offer given to Chief Zion Booster Committee Chairman Theodore Hertzl by British Lord Chamberlain in 1898
that Zionists could set up a homeland in Uganda a small but hearty band of Zionists from Fife, Scotland set off to move to Uganda but by an accident of 9,200.6 miles involving the US postal service and the Black Star Shipping Line they ended up in Lemitar, New Mexico, USA.
Upon meeting the newly arrived Lemitar Zionists local Apache red indians were appalled to find Eagles weren’t kosher and soon lodged complaints with both the Mexican and American Territorial authorities. The complaints fell on deaf ears and soon crude one stage Sioux made arrows were fired by the Apaches at the settlement. A long, low level war of marginal attrition was waged between the two sides in a conflict almost completely forgotten about by American historians. The conflict lasted until the establishment of the state of Israel in 1948.
The two dozen Zionist families still in Lemitar in 1948; known to the locals as ‘Lemon Zingers’ as well several Apache Jewish converts moved to the southern Israeli City of Sderot on the border with Gaza and the Sinai Peninsula. Lemitar Leader Issac Zorathustra commented upon arriving at the city of Sderot “I feel we will be a lot more secure and prosperous here, those Red Indians could be real SOBs with their anti-Semitic arrow fire.”
The only remaining remnants of the community in Lemitar is one very lonely looking sign.
“Nutting Jordan is like butting the Forth Road Bridge.”
Mugwumps Congratulate Ron Paul After CPAC Strawpoll Win
Posted: February 15, 2011 in SillyTags: CPAC, mugwump, Poll, Ron Paul
Shortly after his massive victory Sunday in a bell weather poll past and future GOP presidential candidate Ron Paul took a special call from the President of the American Mugwump Society (AMS).
Paul took the poll with 30% of the vote from the thousands of conservative faithful who gather annually at the Conservative Political Action Conference in Wa Wa Wa Washington, DC. Mitterand ‘Mitt’ Romney representing the French wing of the American conservatives took 23%.
AMS President Catheter Dave was always confident Paul would win.
“Some folks thought those sweet and tender hooligans with Students for Sensible Policy (SSDP) would put Gary Johnson in the lead but that was not to be,” rasped Catheter on the phone from an unknown location in Tangiers.
It is not known how much influence the mysterious Mugwumps have in super hot primary states like Iowa and New Hampshire. Their picks in the past have been a mixed bag ranging from Grover Cleveland to Senator Hiram Fong.
Three Second Movie Review – Adjustment Bureau
Posted: February 14, 2011 in ReviewsTags: Emily Blunt, Matt Damon, Movies, Reviews
Porn Star Twins Orphanage Game Show News Now
Posted: February 10, 2011 in PornTags: Bill Hicks, gameshow, Minute to Win It, NBC, Pigtails, porn, Twins
Apparently they have been on Twice!
NBC found a provocative new way to promote their game show – Twin porn stars with a heart of gold – from Kansas no less. I Shit You Not.
They are hot.
They are dressed identical.
In knee high socks and pigtails.
The kicker – all the money goes to an orphanage. Isn’t that cute.
The excruciatingly drawn out, dull, ad heavy even for network TV game show is saved only by the grace of long shots of the twin porn stars holding each other, staring into each others sexy little faces while the entire audience mentally undresses and fucks them over and over again.
I believe Bill Hicks predicted this except they still have their clothes on. For now.
It’s a hell of an improvement over watching Howie Mandel for an hour.
It’s called Minute to Win It, but does anyone really care – we got hot-t twins baby!
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