Posts Tagged ‘Burning Man’

Washington, DC (CN) – As promised President Obama has placed his two Burning Man tickets up for sale to the highest bidder as part of last minute debt ceiling negotiations.  Four days remain on bidding with the highest bid at press time being $8,000.

How High Will the Bidding Go?

“We expect the bidding to go much higher as people panic in the final hours,” said Larry Summers, Chief White House Asset Stripper through a spokesperson.

Obama has said all money from the sale of the two tickets will go to debt relief.

Keep coming back for more updates on this developing story as they happen.

Update: Four Days Left to Bid on Obama Burning Man Tickets

Washington, DC (CN) – As part of intense, last minute negotiations with Republicans on raising the national debt ceiling President Obama has offered to sell his and Michelle’s Burning Man tickets.

The President said all profit from the sale of the two tickets will be applied to lowering the federal debt.

It was announced last weekend that BurningMan had sold out for the first time since tickets were introduced at the Burn of 80 AD when it was first held at the Roman Colosseum.  Prices for Burning Man tickets rose on global commodity markets when trading opened Monday.  The value of a single ounce of Burning Man ticket has now risen faster, higher, and stronger than gold.

“The Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner has advised me that under the current economic climate we should be able to haul in about $20,000 a ticket,” said President Obama in a statement in the White House Rose Garden.  He was later seen weeping with Michelle as he repacked a dusty set of fire poi and a pink fuzzy full length jacket.

The offer to sell the ticket was accepted by the Republicans and Democrats in a rarely seen moment of honest bi-partisanship.

“As much as I’d love to see Obama in the great state of Nevada wearing a pink tutu spinning poi, sometimes the welfare of the country comes first”, said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV).  “But just barely.”

“I’m not sure what Burning Man is,” said a confused GOP House Speaker John Boehner.  “But I guess it’s better the QE3.”

Obama had been to Burning Man twice before being elected Commander in Chief.  He also sold his 2009 tickets, but only for a measly $300 on Craigslist.

update 4:36 pst – the riots earlier in the day have largely dissipated.  One car has been set ablaze (don’t worry it was a hybrid), there is a bunch of broken beer bottles around the Tenderloin office front of BurningMan Corp. HQ (like there is everyday) and a couple strange looking people linger muttering complaints who may be Burners, but maybe not.

Catch up on the full story below as it happened.

If Anything else happens related to today’s SF BurningMan ticket riot – it will be updated here on Consumptive Newswire

update 2:07 pst: A combination of SpaceCowboy Unimog funky downtempo House, micro brew, and a nearby marijuana buyers co-op appears to have calmed the situation down.  People still angry and ticketless but grooving to the music, blissed out, buzzed.

update: 1:15 pst: Longtime Burner and SF resident CrankyDust is on the scene at the BurningMan HQ ticket riots and gives this report: ‘It’s The Playapocalypse down here – glitter and flames and ticketless people everywhere, total chaos, just like the Burn of ’94 – this is great!

update 12:51 pst: news breaking quickly now – BurningMan reports they’ve hired Hells Angels DPW (even worse), Space Cowboys Unimog to supress rioting.  Riot police called off.

update 12:43 pst: Consumptive News has just received official comment from BurningMan Corp. HQ on the Burner Ticket riots:

“We’ve expected this for a while now and all the BM Corp. staff are locked in the panic room drinking a bottle of Jameson’s someone left us from Exodus last year, its good shit.”

update: follow events on #fuckyouburningman

Tenderloin, SF (CN) – Consumptive News is getting early reports of ticketless Burners scuffling with police and scaring homeless crackheads at BurningMan Inc. Corporate HQ in Tenderloin.  One car reported ablaze.

This comes as news spreads that BurningMan has sold out of tickets.

Burning Man Corp. HQ

More Info. as news comes in – please post pics and information in the comments section if you are on the scene.

A the unofficial hagiographer of NectarVillage and 3 time member of HBGB Kitchen crew I thought it was appropriate to write a short history of the HBGB Kitchen and the healing that goes on inside.

HBGB Kitchen 1934

HBGB’s have always been early adopters when it comes to technology at the Burn.  We were the first camp at BurningMan to employ an electric Ice Box as they were known at the Burn of 1934.  The Ice Box allowed Scooter to serve the first helping of Boulder Ice Cream which was flown in by especially by Charles Lindbergh who was given the playa name ‘Lucky Lindy’ that year for his exploits at Jiffy Lube.

World War Two was a difficult time for everyone in a merciless war that set Burner against Burner, Brother against Brother.  At the Burn of 1943 after serving a less than appetizing Vegan-style Shit on a Shingle the Kitchen Crew comprised of Swiss, Russian, Montenegrin and Spanish nationalists came to blows.

Burn of 1943 - Only one person survied this fight to Burn again

The 50s and early 60s saw HBGB Kitchen crew settle into a routine of domestic bliss.  However it wouldn’t be until the Burn of 1984 that the Kitchen was moved inside a tent after longtime Kitchen Supremo ‘Mac Biotic’ got heat stroke.

HBGB Kitchen Burn of 1961 Out in the Sun

The late 60s and early 70s saw a rise in the use of psychedelics at the Burn and the HBGB Kitchen.  Syd Barret was kitchen lead at the notorious Burn of 1971 which saw a 90% of all meals served in the kitchen spiked with LSD.

Burn of 1971 - Felonoius shortly after eating hummus prepared by Syd Barrett

The 90s saw rapid technological innovation and environmental awareness pervade the HeeBee Kitchen.  Meal prep started to happen off the playa a couple days before the Burn in Reno.  This lead to the short lived cable access show ‘Sid and Nancy Cook for the Playa.’

Sid & Nancy filming how to make Buckwheat Gazpacho a couple days before the Burn of 1994.

In the GoGo 00s mandatory uniforms during cooking were introduced in order that the cooks be a) More Easily Set on Fire b) Come into Compliance with Environmental Health and Safety Codes around hair getting into the food.

Burn of 2006: Introduction of Mandatory Uniforms

This brief history will end in 2009 when controversy struck the HBGB Kitchen after it was outsourced to Trader Joes in order to save money and in the words of one HBGB that wishes to remain anonymous – ‘TJs Salt and Pepper Potato Chips are the dammed best thing ever invented’.

2009 Burn: HBGB's Kitchen under Trader Joes Management

However many HeeBee and Burner Purists rallied against the fake, industrial, clean feel of the kitchen.  It’s rumored in 2011 HBGBs will return to Burner Cooks making wonderful meals of loving grace and bounty as has happened for so many years.

Where are you and your friends camping at Burning Man this year?

It’s so confusing and dusty out there.

Not Anymore.

With this awesome app.  you can enter in where you’ll be on the Playa and share the info with your friends.

Try It Out NOW-ish

Update: Many DJ’s are in danger of not getting into Burning Man because they do not have tickets.  This is like going into a K-Hole in the Happy Hardcore Room.  Yes, its that serious.  Read below how you can help change this.

Burning Man has a long and glorious history of participant driven art, music, healing and humor. To lend ahelping hand to this participant driven event Burning Man Corp. simply provides the infrastructure, cheap coffee, wonderfully cold ice, art grants, builds the Man, controls the media, tells you where your theme camp will be, deals with the default world government, sells the tickets, fire control, creates Center Camp and a few hundred other foundational tasks. So one must be careful when asking Burning Man Corp. to take on another layer of responsibility.

But when we have a true, documented ‘market failure’ over several Burns where participants fail to create stuff that is in their obvious self interest I think it is in everyone’s interest that the government, in this case Burning Man Corp. step in and take over.

What’s the howling need not being addressed by Burning Man participants?

Not nearly enough Trance.*

It used to be everywhere on the playa – now maybe a 2 hour set by a lonely Dutch super star is all you get from Opulent Temple.

*And NO! Psytrance most certainly doesn’t count.

Not at All.

We need more Trance.  Preferably Anthem Trance. The only way it can be said simpler is with a 125-150 bpm 32 beat phase.

 Burning Man is the hegemonic fist of history that will bring it to us.

Our Trance-y Demands:

NEW Uplifting Demand:  All Anthem Trance DJs without a ticket be provided one by Burning Man Corp.

1) All sound camps must have one DJ headline with ‘van’ in his surname – yes – that includes you Nexus or should we say ‘van Nexus’.
2) The Unimog and all Art Cars with large sound systems must play at least 25% Trance or be banned by the DMV.
3) Trance Trance Revolution will be given the key corner spot at 10 or 2 o’clock.
4) The Man’s face will be made to resemble Tiesto.
5) A 10% tithe of all revenue generated from BurningMan will be donated to the 501©3 non-profit Trance Development Corporation which helps bring Trance into the schools of the most Trance deprived areas around the globe from the Bronx to Buenos Aires. Sorry Frankie Knuckles & Hernán Cattáneo you don’t count.

Fill out the below petition to demand Burning Man to do what is right in the name of Trance:

← Back

Thank you for your response. ✨

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from the Consumptive Archives

Washington, DC – Shortly after being inaugurated the 44th President of the United States President Obama announced he was selling his BurningMan tickets on craigslist.  “I’m totally bummed but if we are as a country to pick ourselves up off the ground and dust ourselves off it would be hypocritical of me to be covered in playa dust.”

President Barak Obama who goes by the playa name ‘Barak Obama’ has been to BurningMan two previous years.

In 2005 he led the Chicago Fire Conclave during their Burn night performance.  “You think he gives a good speech?  You should see him spin poi” said Bubblebear, a campmate that year.

BM org issued an official response expressing regret and understanding.  “I met him down at Human Carcass Wash a few years back and he seems like an ok guy I guess,” said Larry Harvey.

Barack made the statement attending an inaugural Ball put on by BurningMan, named ‘Burning Green Balls 2009’ which featured acts Bass Nectar and showing art by Alex Grey and some crazy motherfucker in a fake fur coat.  The President was asked to spin poi for the attendees but the idea was quashed by Secret Service and the president soon left for the next Inaugural Ball on his list.  “I got the tickets hella cheap” the President was overheard saying as he left, “but I can totally get $300 on craigslist.”

The Serbian New Age War Criminal joined NectarVillage today; it will be his first and perhaps last trip to arts festival BurningMan.  Mr. Karadzic plans to camp with HeeBeeGeeBee Healers where he’ll be practicing his three strongest healing modalities – energy healer, biofeedback and murdering any Bosnian Burners that may amble into the HeeBee chill space.

Karadzic currently resides in a cell in The Hague but after long delays and set backs the International Criminal Court has decided BurningMan is the best medium to put him on trial.

At night Radovan who has chosen the Burner name ‘Radost’ meaning ‘happiness’ or ‘joy’ in Slavic will go on trial at the Death Guild.  Each night starting at 3am-ish  Death Guild will have a special ‘Two Enter One Leaves, no we really mean it this time’ match.  Radost will get a chance to face of against other international war criminals including Liberia’s Charles ‘Dusty Chuck’ Taylor, Yale’s George “Kennebunk’ Bush and Canada’s Naomi ‘Commie Mommie’ Klein.

NectarVillage head honcho Soup was asked how he thought Karadzic would do in NectarVillage and at Death Guild, “He’ll fit in fine at Nectar, we’ve had war criminals camp with us before and we got along with them like a storm. How Karadzic fares at DeathGuild is anyone’s guess but one his grasp of energy work and great HeeBee meals can only help.”

When Radovan was asked what he thought his toughest challenge would be while at the Black Rock event he stated, “I’m most worried about shaving, I hear it’s a real bitch out there.”