Archive for the ‘Politics’ Category

The Only Question - Which is Oakland?

Brooklyn gives #OccupyOakland A Hug.

Could this video with a tour de force performance by Jack Black and accompanying song be the soundtrack to the #Occupy subculture?

I think so, I hope so – my name is Consumptive and I endorse this ad.

Stand Firm #OccupyOakland!

Capers!

Wall Street, NY (CN) – Weeks after Americans started the #OccupyWallStreet and the ‘We are the 99%’ Protests the rest of the world is finally getting off its fat, bariatric ass and get out onto the streets.

Better late than never.

As a story in the London daily broadsheet The Guardian notes its’ taken weeks (as usual) for the worlds’ would be protestors to catch up with the United States.

US leads the Way

“Surely, no government can be expected to foster its own subversion, but in a democracy such a right is vested in the people.  Naturally the US is leading the way in this regard.” said dead Frankfurter and noted non-American Herbert Marcuse from an undisclosed shallow grave.

Addressing a crowd of protestors on Wall Street who are all in the top 10% of global annual income and living standards Naomi Klein yelled,

“It’s great to see Americans out protesting, setting up tent cities and sending a message not only to the grotesque economic elite in Manhattan but giving a gentle Solidarity push to other peoples of the world that they can protest their government and financial institutions as well.  I think in a couple weeks, guided by the example set by America, you’ll see the people in the Middle East telling their governments they want change.  I love you.”

Protestor and NYC resident (Greenpoint) Ben Lomen talked to Consumptionblog reporter on the scene Marc about the laziness of the rest of the world.

“I been wondering when the rest of the world would come around,” said Ben as he rolled a cigarette.  “I mean I been camped out here for three weeks making sacrifices.  Eating vegan sweet potato latkes, doing Anasara Yoga instead of Ashtanga because that’s the only instructor here, sleeping on the ground in a three season REI sleeping bag I borrowed from a friend, holding signs, uploading videos of my fellow protestors to youtube.  You know, changing the world and stuff.  No judgement; but where the fuck have the Greeks been or the Spanish for that matter?  ¡¿Que Pasa?!”

A protestor women in her 20s from Sarah Lawrence College interrupted at this point.

“Well man the Greeks haven’t been totally silent. There is the Greek Protest Dog ‘Kanellos’.  The Anarchists have taught him how to bark The International in Greek and  whenever he sees a police officer or a banker, you gotta check it out.”

“Ohh cool I will, mos def.”

*woof* So comrades, come rally And the last fight let us face..." *woof*

People in cities throughout the world are expected to copy US protests, however poorly, this coming weekend.  Stay tuned to Consumptionblog Newswire for coverage as it happens.

The good Americans of Puerto Viejo, Costa Rica stand with you #OccupyWallStreet and believe me – we have grievances aplenty…

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“As Goes Black Rock City, So Goes the World” Herodotus

Burning Man is in full fledged freak out mode.

Don’t buy the calm, slightly sarcastic repose of the Burning Man organizers.  They are shaking in their dusty black boots.

Burning Man is having a crisis not seen since Larry Harvey decided to hold the Burn of 1916 in Verdun in an ill conceived scheme to save money on fireworks.

Here is but a short list of press reports documenting that event in the desert slightly north of Reno slow decent into chaos:

Tickets are sold out and Burners are rioting


The Man has been exposed as being foreign born

Trance music is at an all time low

Obama has sold his Burning Man tickets yet again.


You can now find your friends easily on the playa.

Ghaddafi to appear in the Thunderdome

PETA has filed suite against Burning Man

New Age Survival Backpacks Selling Like Hotcakes 

Washington, DC (CN) – As America plunged toward Debtpocalypse rumors swirled on Capitol Hill that debt default could result in more tickets for Burning Man preventing Playapocalpyse.  As usual rumors and last minute negotiations in Washington, DC are Byzantine and abusive to any common standards of language and decency but Mark Smith an analyst from the think tank American’s for Excellence in Prosperity puts forward the case:

“Burning Man was forced to sell out by the Bureau of Land Management (BLM); limiting tickets to 50,000.   BLM is a federal agency of a piddling 10,000 employees. If the Federal Government defaults BLM will be unable to enforce the ticket limit and Burning Man Corp can simply sell more tickets at the gate,” explained Smith.  “At least that’s what I’m hoping.  You don’t have an extra ticket do you?”

Asked how pervasive this rumor is in Washington DC, Smith, who goes by the playa name ‘Dusty Shill’ speculated “It’s all over the place, I just heard it twice at Eastern Market and it was all young staffers could talk about last night at The Big Hunt.”

Consumptive NewsWire had no way to verify this rumor.  BLM offices were closed on Sunday and unavailable for comment.  Burning Man staff were attending Sunday services at the Cornerstone Evangelical Baptist Church just off the 280 as is their usual custom.

Burning Man Ticket Rumor Updates Here as we get them.

Washington, DC (CN) – As promised President Obama has placed his two Burning Man tickets up for sale to the highest bidder as part of last minute debt ceiling negotiations.  Four days remain on bidding with the highest bid at press time being $8,000.

How High Will the Bidding Go?

“We expect the bidding to go much higher as people panic in the final hours,” said Larry Summers, Chief White House Asset Stripper through a spokesperson.

Obama has said all money from the sale of the two tickets will go to debt relief.

Keep coming back for more updates on this developing story as they happen.

Update: Four Days Left to Bid on Obama Burning Man Tickets

Washington, DC (CN) – As part of intense, last minute negotiations with Republicans on raising the national debt ceiling President Obama has offered to sell his and Michelle’s Burning Man tickets.

The President said all profit from the sale of the two tickets will be applied to lowering the federal debt.

It was announced last weekend that BurningMan had sold out for the first time since tickets were introduced at the Burn of 80 AD when it was first held at the Roman Colosseum.  Prices for Burning Man tickets rose on global commodity markets when trading opened Monday.  The value of a single ounce of Burning Man ticket has now risen faster, higher, and stronger than gold.

“The Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner has advised me that under the current economic climate we should be able to haul in about $20,000 a ticket,” said President Obama in a statement in the White House Rose Garden.  He was later seen weeping with Michelle as he repacked a dusty set of fire poi and a pink fuzzy full length jacket.

The offer to sell the ticket was accepted by the Republicans and Democrats in a rarely seen moment of honest bi-partisanship.

“As much as I’d love to see Obama in the great state of Nevada wearing a pink tutu spinning poi, sometimes the welfare of the country comes first”, said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV).  “But just barely.”

“I’m not sure what Burning Man is,” said a confused GOP House Speaker John Boehner.  “But I guess it’s better the QE3.”

Obama had been to Burning Man twice before being elected Commander in Chief.  He also sold his 2009 tickets, but only for a measly $300 on Craigslist.