Posts Tagged ‘Burning Man’

Victoria, Australia (CN) – Australia’s sole academic journal concerned with cultural issues and stuff, Meanjin, recently published an article about Burning Man that has breathed new life into the slowly dying desert event.

The author of the article makes several controversial claims about Burning Man such as:

“I worried about the penises…”

“Burning Man began in 1986 on Baker Beach in San Francisco…”

“…bizarre goat-slapping ceremonies involving ridiculous paper-mache goats…” [Editors Note: Fact -There was no paper-mache, that goat was made of asbestos and transcendence.]

Founded by makers of fine cold Australian brew, VB, Meanjin has been published off and on more or less quarterly since 2009.  Since the issue was published around beer o’clock on Wednesday the reaction has been mainly positive.

“We think the reaction has been good,” said Meanjin Editor Sally Heath reached at a payphone at the Laundry Bar in Fitzroy.   “It’s hard to say really.  We don’t allow comments and integration with the Facebook and the Twitter is a bit bourgeoisie.  We’re working class.  I mean I wouldn’t be caught dead in Vaucluse, even to visit my parents.”

Sally enjoys a word with her sponsor

“Meanjin will almost certainly have a themecamp at the Burn this year,” enthused article author Simone Ubaldi.  “The theme ‘Wild West’ is a bit lame, but we’ll make due.  20,000 hippies aren’t going to mock me in your article are they?”

“20,000 hippies can go to hell,” screamed Burning Man founder Larry Harvey from a scratchy payphone near his winter dasha on the Black Sea.  “The Burn has felt a bit flat since, well, at least Green Man.  This article is just the ‘Melbourican Quicksilver’ we need to jump start the event back to life.”

Australian classic 'Young Einstein' was watched by dozens in 2011

Oolong Burners, a branch of the American Tea Party movement expressed concern for the growing Antipodean influence at the event north of Reno.

“The Kiwis were all over The Temple of Transition this year,”  said Oolong Spokesperson Tommy T-Baggin responding via e-mail. “You couldn’t get within 50 metres, I mean yards and if I did mean meters I’d spell it the American way…anyhoo… Ashram Galatica was positively smashed with Aussies.  If we don’t watch it Alice Springs will be the new Gerlach in no time.  Have you ever been to the Walmart in Alice Springs?  Me neither, but $10 says it’s terrible.”

Over the years Meanjin has achieved notoriety in it’s homeland for taking on various cultural taboos including:

  • Top 10 places to Purchase Heroin in Redfern
  • Gee Twenty – The Average Australian Vocabulary and John Howard
  • Essendon vs Collingwood – Why Victorian Sports Suck
  • Burning Beds – Cultural Hegemony and Midnight Oil
  • Flight of the Reactionaries  – The False Consciousness of Kiwi Humor

Burn Night 1952

Special Thanks to Coburn Hawk for finding this piece of Burning Man History.

Can anyone spot Larry Harvey?  I think I can.

Found here:  http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwvq87eZqv1qz6f9yo1_500.jpg

 

 

Gerlach, NV (CN) As we exit 2011 and crash into 2012 Consumptionblog looks back at the year in BurningMan.  As always ‘The Event North of Reno’ was chock full of more controversy than a soon to be ex-couple arguing about what it means to ‘just be poly on the playa’ in the predawn post coital light.

From Obama to Riots, the End of the World to the NFL, Daftpunk to Hippies, Consumptionblog presents to you the Top Six Burning Man Stories of 2011:

1. The Kenyan who Came from Hope and but Returned to Black Rock City topped the list this year:
Obama To Sell Burning Man Tickets to Ease Federal Debt
2. If it bleeds it leads still rings true in the digital clouds of blogland:
Ticketless Burners Scuffle with Police at Burning Man Office
3. As usual the French come in 3rd:
Daft Punk Cancels Burning Man Appearance
4. The Cultural War Continue to Rage:
Hippies vs Ravers Battle for Supremacy on the Playa
5. Despite the NFL and Burning Man having less than zero in common, they’ve decided to work together:
Burning Man Implements NFL Draft to Sell Tickets
6. The End of the World will be a bigger story in 2012:
New Age Survival Backpack – While Supplies and the Planet Lasts
-And Finally Bonus Burner News Now-
The Question was Finally Asked:
Is Burning Man Foreign Born?

Nectar Village HQ, San Francisco (CN) – As the below news footage from Burning Man 2011 demonstrate Placement are always the hardest folks to deal with at the Event North of Reno.

For more information about Nectar Village and the mysterious Soup mentioned by Adolf check out:

Nectar Village Origins Part 1

If you lost some keys, glasses, or a camera at the event North of Reno click here to see if it’s been found

If you lost your mind, please do consider if you actually want it back.

Fabulous and Lost

And even if you didn’t lose your camera or glasses this year – don’t you just love all these fabulous Burners?

BTW – I’m still looking for my lost CamelBak from the Burn of 2009 which contained the following items:

  • Mini travel toe-nail clipper
  • 6 gel caps 2C-D
  • 1 bottle of Provigil ®
  • 1 tupperware of  Moroccan Cous Cous
  • Baby Wipes / 1/2 roll toliet paper
  • Hot Blonde Yoga Instructor E-mail address  on small piece of cardboard (she was from SF and wearing these cute white and green fuzzy boots; you know who I mean)
  • 2 packets EmergenC
  • 1.3 litres of water

2009 - It was a good Burn!

I think I lost it Friday night at the Port-A-Potties near 6:30 and D.

I am most interested in the yoga instructor’s e-mail address and the 2C-D.

If you have recovered the items in questions, please contact me – no questions will be asked.  I believe later that same night I lost my sense of right and wrong to say nothing of up and down in a dome near Opulent Temple.

What have you lost at Burning Man over the years you’ll never recover but really wish you could?

Tender Burn, San Francisco, CA (CN) — A battle that spans the centuries appears to have taken a turn for the Hippie.  For as long as people can remember and then a little bit longer Hippies and Ravers have battled for subculture supremacy.  At the Burn of ’69 Wendy Carlos groupies and fans of Strawberry Alarm Clock  squared off in a violent melee and Burning Man has remained the epicenter of the Hippie vs Raver battle ever since.

Burning Man Bureau of Labor Statistics (BMBLS) released a report on Wednesday showing that Hippies have now gained the upper hand at the event North of Reno.

Numbers Don't Lie, Man

Ravers have always done acid, present company certainly not excepted,” said Bryan Stefarios, Executive Director of the Pro-Raver advocacy group DanceSafe.  “The troubling aspect for ravers is the growth of the drum circles and Beats Antique.  You can’t Rave to Beats Antique.”

Nearing the End of Raver Dominance

Professor of Techno and Raves at Detroit University, Jeff Mills predicted the flagging fortunes of Ravers in his 2008 book, ‘Raving Alone’.

“For years Ravers have held the upper hand at Burning Man – blasting Hippies into aural obscurity with 120 decibels of 150 bpm bass.  As the bpms have come down with the English Dubstep Invasion drum circles started to grow again.  Throw in Daniel Pinchbeck’s quixotic popularity, the four fold growth in Peruvian Ayahuasca Tourism, a severe decline in good Anthem Trance and Progressive House and Hippie Supremacy soon becomes inevitable. Sigh.”

Long time Hippie Burner ‘Dusty Lentil’ who was once co-consensus leader of a short lived association of Hippie Burners was reached for comment from his penthouse in the Upper West Side of NYC.  “I don’t know, I just love hanging out with my friends, listening to some Sector 9, lentils, my air conditioned teepee and ummm…yeah.”

It was great to meet so many Consumptives out at the event North of Reno.

A special shout out to all my peeps in Bumblepuss and NectarVillage – thanks for keeping it real.

This blog is not dead – updates, prizes, celebrity interviews and more will be appearing in October 2011 on this blog – stay tuned and beware!

Cheers,

Consumptionblog Management

Playa Report 2011.

Black Rock City, NV (CN) – I have received several accounts of the state of the playa surface from my well feed dusty moles in DPW.

It don’t sound good folks.

Over the past decade the playa has slowly decayed from a reliable rock hard surface where Andy “Green Man” Green’s art car ‘Pedal Masher’ broke the land speed record at the Burn of 1997 at 763 mph while 20 guests sipped dusty martinis and danced relentlessly from the roof deck into muck and decay.

DMV Would Never Approve This Now

From my most trusted source in DPW:

“In past years the playa surface resembles a baked brownie crust surface.  This year it resembles a brownie mix still in the mixing bowl – a mixture of mud topped by a frothy Santorum  of gas, PBR and last years Astroglide.  It’s like a swamp.

Don’t even consider bringing a bike unless you plan to turn it into fire art.  The playa is unridable.  Hell, it’s nearly undrive-able.  The higher ups at Burning Man are talking about having people park in Gerlach and be bussed in because so many cars are likely to get stuck in the muck.”

Your best way from Gerlach to BRC?

DPW Source #2

The weather has also been more extreme than usual.  During the day it’s actually humid.  The humidity has brought wildlife back to the playa.  Last night I killed a Atropoides picadoi I found under the wheel well of my  Toyota Tundra.  Speaking of tundra; at night it’s gotten so cold that Trego and Frog Pond hot springs have frozen over.  Think Ecuador in August during the Day, Kiev in January at Night.   I expect most people will leave after a couple days, no matter what humiliating things they had to do to get tickets.  50,000 people my ass! By Thursday more like 5,000.

Do whatever you want fellow Burners but I’ve ditched the bike, bought some hip boots and anti-venom of Craigslist and am hoping just to survive.

Perfectly Cooked Bacon for the Masses

by Robin

It was stunning to me to realize that I had not shared my perfect bacon 
cooking method prior to 2010.  Apparently the breakfast shift I was on was the first time many Bumblers were the recipients of my 
perfectly cooked bacon.  T-Dazzle remembers it from our time together at HeeBees.  This is the method to getting all of your bacon 
cooked all at once perfectly.  You can have it as crispy or chewy as you 
want.  And this method cuts down on the little snatchers who like to sneak 
bacon before the entire meal is done!  BACK YOU RABID BUMBLERS!  YOU  MUST 
WAIT UNTIL THE EGGS ARE DONE!  Oh, whoops, the eggs exploded in the boiler. 
I guess I should share my recipe for strained eggs also.  See below!

Your Typical Bumbler Breakfast

BACON
In order to have all of the bacon done all at once, and perfectly for that 
matter, you must put all of the bacon in the pan at once.  Yes.  Pile it 
in!  5 pounds if you must!  As long as the pan is not overflowing, it will 
work just fine.  You just have to keep stirring.  KEEP STIRRING!  STIR THE 
BACON!  It may take 20 or 30 minutes, depending on how dark you like it, but 
trust me, when you pull all of it out at once and put it all out there for 
the hungry Bumblers, no one will complain.  Each piece will be cooked 
exactly like the next, and all the way through. It will all be warm!  No 
half-charred, half-raw pieces here.  Oh no.  This bacon is perfect.

These go well with Bacon

STRAINED EGGS
Hopefully we won’t have to use this method again!  If your egg bag explodes 
in the boiler, fear not.  Juicy eggs are just a strain away!  Simply get the 
colander and a friend to help you.  Discreetly bring the boiler of eggs and 
the colander to the gray water.  Whether its early in the week or later will 
determine how careful you need to be about people seeing you strain the 
eggs.  It might not matter as much later on in the week!  Anyway, one person 
holds the colander over the gray water container and the other person 
carefully pours the watery eggs into the colander.

Voila!

Strained eggs. 
Perfect for any occasion.

 

Gerlach, NV (CN)  –  Burning Man is rapidly approaching.  You have a ticket and an iffy ride from Eugene to Reno in a school bus.  The next two weekends will bring a flurry of packing, preparation, procrastination and trips to Walmart fraught with guilt and amazing deals.

In these tough economic times how can you get back some of the thousands of hard earned Euros you’ll spend on making your experience north of Reno as exciting and comfortable as possible?

No, don’t take that dusty, unused can of Corn Beef Hash back to Walmart.

Request that Burning Man refund the full price of your ticket after the event.

Burning Man Corp. was founded by people with names like Black Swan, Chicken John, Jonny Law, Paul Addis, and Danger Ranger.

Burning Man Co-Founder

Now do they sound like the type of people to not refund your money?

Yes, they are.

But like a billionaire paying her taxes there is a loophole you can exploit to ensure you get a full ticket refund.

An obscure statute under the jurisdiction of the Nevada Bureau of Mines and Geology allows anyone to receive a full refund of their ticket to Burning Man.

However Burners need to complete the following steps carefully.

Step by Step instructions for asking for your money back after attending Burning Man.

  1. Attend Burning Man.  Failure to attend will dramatically reduce your chances at a refund.
  1. Do whatever you do at Burning Man (just stay away from me).
  1. Make sure not everything goes Perfectly. Examples of a less than Perfect Burning Man are endless but some of the more common are as follows:

a)  Not hooking up with that hot blonde yoga instructor/long term art school student you flirted with Monday night next to that art and fire thingy.

b)  Forgot some critical piece of equipment your camp mates were counting on you to bring.

Examples: zip ties or that eight-ball of coke you snorted waiting in line at the Gate.

Fuck!

c)  Art Project gets finished Thursday afternoon instead of Monday.

d)  Got lost and cold one night after raving it up at Nexus.

e)  Exodus.

f)  4am Friday night port-a-potties.

Techno will do that.

g)  Losing your travel size toenail clipper.

“Its somewhere inside my camelback, or is it in my tent? Fuck!”

h)  Can’t find your friend.

“I have gone over to my best friends camp like six times and she hasn’t been there and her camp mates have been less than helpful – Fuck!”

4) Return from Burning Man.

5) Take a shower.

6) Take another shower.

Follow all those easy steps and you will be on your way to achieving a full refund for your Burning Man ticket.

After Burning Man come back to ConsumptionBlog for a  form letter you can fill out to aid you in your quest for justice, dubstep, and a full refund of your ticket.

You’re Welcome.